64: Self-Compassion with Kristin Neff

In this episode, Kristin and Chantal go over self-compassion and why it is important. She encourages people, especially women, to claim their power, which is within us. She wants people to unlearn that self-compassion is not a weakness but a motivator to be more resilient. If people want to get more things done, they should be more self-compassionate. Additionally, Kristin mentions the most effective way to deal with our inner critic is to befriend it so that it is not distractive. Finally, she closes off the podcast with a guided meditation on a Fierce Friend Practice. This is a guided visualization that creates an image where one can call upon their fierce friend, who combines fierceness with tenderness and strength with love.

About Our Guest

Kristin Neff is an associate professor at the University of Texas at Austin’s department of educational psychology. She is the author of “Self-Compassion: The Proven Power of Being Kind to Yourself” and co-written the “Mindful Self-Compassion Workbook: A Proven Way to Accept Yourself, Build Inner Strength, and Thrive”. She also has a new book called “Fierce Self Compassion: How Women Can Harness Kindness To Speak Up, Claim Their Power, And Thrive.” She has also written numerous academic articles on self-compassion.

Insight from this episode:

—Learn to say no to others and yes to ourselves. This allows us to include ourselves in the circle of compassion and prioritize our needs to avoid drowning.
—If anger is harnessed, it can alleviate suffering and be used for a good cause. Anger helps one to focus and lets people know that there is a problem. For example, the Me Too Movement and Black Lives Matter all started because people were angry.
—Self-compassion gives us the strength to open the pain without being overwhelmed. It is the ability to hold pain with love. It also allows us not to be consumed by things but rather to infuse them and figure them out. It decreases stress, depression, and anxiety.
—People have a dimensional view of self-compassion: it is a weak thing because it has traditionally been viewed as a gender role. However, self-compassion is important because it allows us to heal and not to be overwhelmed.
—Research shows that self-compassion is a powerful coping mechanism. People should stop viewing it as a sign of weakness.

Quotes from the show:

“Even though compassion is part of the female gender role, women have less self-compassion towards themselves than men do. This is because women are socialized to be self-sacrificing, and their compassion is allowed to go outward, i.e., they can help their spouses, children, etc.”–Kristin Neff, Emerging Women Podcast.

“Don’t do things for people to like you; it’s not sustainable. People will not like you anyway. However, with self-compassion, you do not require other people’s approval; this is because you can approve of yourself”–Kristin Neff, Emerging Women Podcast.
“Women are more compassionate to others and not themselves. Tenderness towards self is not intuitive, which is why women are very aggressive towards themselves”–Chantal Pierrat, Emerging Women Podcast.

“Sometimes, to alleviate our suffering, we need to accept ourselves and be open to what is and change something about ourselves. We need to be brave, courageous enough to make a change in our lives”–Kristin Neff, Emerging Women Podcast.

“Some people look at self-compassion as weak because it has mostly been associated with women (who have had less power in society than men)”–Kristin Neff, Emerging Women Podcast.

“We need a balance between tenderness and fierceness. If we have too much tenderness and acceptance without enough fierceness, then we will become complacent, and if we are angry and fierce, we are just adding to the problem”–Kristin Neff, Emerging Women Podcast.

“We feel valuable when we are loved. Let us make our happiness not dependent on our relationship. We don’t need someone else to be more worthy and whole”–Kristin Neff, Emerging Women Podcast.
“When we hold our pain with love, we start being aware, and the awareness becomes infused with love”–Kristin Neff, Emerging Women Podcast.

Favorite Quote

“The world will be saved by the Western Woman”–Dalai Lama.

Stay Connected:

Chantal Pierrat
Twitter: @chantalpierrat
LinkedIn: Chantal Pierrat

Kristin Neff
Website: https://self-compassion.org/
Facebook: Self-Compassion by Kristin Neff, Ph.D.
Twitter: @self_compassion
Instagram: @neffselfcompassion

Emerging Women
Website: https://emergingwomen.com/
Twitter: @emergingW
Facebook: @EmergingWomen
Instagram: @emergingW
LinkedIn: Emerging Women
Youtube: Emerging Women

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Chelsea has over 10 years of experience in administrative and executive support. After her years of working in the legal and oil and gas industry, Chelsea has made it her passion to fill her life with creativity and incorporates that into everything she does. Her position at Emerging Women allows her to expand on that creativity and assist with empowering women around the world. She is a native of Colorado and enjoys spending time with her husband, bonus son, family, and friends. In her free time she loves painting, refurbishing furniture, and all things creative.

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Jen Jefferson

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Jen comes to Emerging Women with over 25 years of experience in event operations and volunteer management. She has worked various types of events as a Volunteer Manager for Integral Life conferences and as an Event Coordinator for various large arts and sports festivals throughout Colorado.
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Jen was born in Lima, Peru but has spent most of her life in Colorado. In 2016, a year sabbatical morphed into a life living abroad. Jen has been living in Cusco, Peru for the past four years and cherishes her life in the Andes mountains. In her spare time she enjoys exploring the world, playing capoeira, and deepening her yoga and meditation practices.

Nicole Fegley

Director of Power Circles

For over 13 years, Nicole has been a producer and connector in the field of personal and professional growth and transformation, creating diverse content, life-changing curriculum, and exquisite live and online experiences. She loves to unite and facilitate people in their work to live more good, true, and beautiful lives. She’s honored to bring this diverse expertise to Emerging Women. For the past two years she has been the lead producer for Emerging Women Live, and now is bringing her extensive production, coaching and facilitation skills to EW’s Power Circles. Nicole works in private practice as a Certified Integral Master Coach™, through her company, Unabashedly You, and has worked with hundreds of women (and men) individually and as a group facilitator. She also creates programs and interviews fascinating teachers and wellness experts in her role as U.S. Content Producer for Conscious Life. She is the co-founder of Core Integral, an educational company offering a comprehensive and accessible approach to learning integral theory. Prior to this work, she owned a large and lively restaurant and brewery in Pennsylvania. She has studied extensively and worked alongside Ken Wilber (Integral Theory), Daniel Brown, PhD (Tibetan Buddhism, Self-Development, Attachment, and Positive Psychology), and Sofia Diaz (Hatha Yoga and Feminine Embodiment). She holds a Masters Degree from Lehigh University. She regularly delights in the sunshine and mountains of Colorado with her two dogs and her partner Clint, and is a new mama to her daughter Truly Golden.

Chantal Pierrat

Chantal Pierrat

Founder & CEO

Chantal’s mission is to increase women’s leadership across the globe. After earning an MBA from the University of Colorado, Chantal left a career in medical device manufacturing in search of work that would align her dedication to transformative leadership with her passion for living an inspired, impactful life. In September 2012, she founded Emerging Women, a global leadership and media platform that serves over 70,000 women worldwide and has advanced women’s leadership within Fortune 500 companies such as HP, Oracle and more. Chantal’s ultimate vision is to weave feminine leadership and authenticity into businesses, and to create a world where women have a strong voice in the shaping of our future. Prior to Emerging Women, for over a decade, Chantal served on the executive team as the VP of Sales and Marketing for Sounds True, a multimedia publishing company focused on spirituality, personal growth, and holistic living. Chantal is a sought after speaker delivering keynotes at The Grace Hopper Celebration, Wisdom 2.0, and many other stages where women’s leadership is critical to the conversation. When she is not dancing or working to empower women around the world, Chantal enjoys family time with her husband and two sons in Boulder, CO.