Life Beyond the Coffee Enema: Thoughts on Emergence

Yes, of course it hurts.

You’ve heard about coffee enemas right? An expensive cold brew you don’t get to drink. It goes in a different hole. Drinking coffee activates your bowels and improves peristalsis. Why would you…?!?! Never mind, I’ll never understand how this became a trend.

Spring’s got me thinking about bowel movements, pressure, frustration, self-judgment, irritability & anxiety. These are common feelings this time of year, believe it or not. Especially in Maine, we’re behind Alaska as the last to Spring. It’s a sloooow start and I can feel the agitation.

The truth is, spring is uncomfortable. Even if you slept like a champion all winter. Even if you live in a sunny state. Spring is like puberty, it’s awkward. It’s the opposite of smooth, it’s muddy, messy and there’s a lot of change happening at once.

The idea of reaching for a “coffee enema” to get your bud to sprout FASTER isn’t what mother nature intended. It’s natural to wake up after a long hibernating season NOT feeling “springy & sparkly.” You’re supposed to feel like you just woke up! The key here is to understand you’re in a season and not get swept away trying to “fix” it.

Magazine covers of women frolicking & jumping in spring dresses are designed to get you to buy spring. They know you want to sparkle & shine. And a dress or a brightly colored hoodie (whatever your fashion sense) can give you a boost. But the idea that you roll out of bed spring morning feeling like vibrant pastels is a MYTH. It is myth that does not serve women well. 

Spring is a dance, it’s playful, like a game of peek-a-boo. You  will get impatient, angry and frustrated if you BLAME yourself for being a “bud” and reach for a “quick fix”. Don’t make me wave my bright yellow CAUTION sign around, while break dancing, until you STOP and look at me. I will shout, “Embrace your awkward! Don’t miss your emergence”.

Doing anything other than nourishing actually causes weakness & atrophy. You become less resilient, more susceptible to disease, more irritable, impatient, critical of yourself and others. Choosing this less natural path forms a habit of swinging from one extreme to the next and making life, which should be a series of natural transitions, more difficult.

Are you ready to live beyond the coffee enema?

Ready to honor your emergence?

Here are my 5 favorite ways to flourish, sparkle & shine – no matter what the season.

Get to know your environment!1. Take a walk, often.

Over steamy Thai curry, my friend told me (with awesome hand gestures) she actually watched spring come to life! Other years, she’s looked up and there spring was. This year, she told me how much a plant grew each day, which fern’s fronds uncurled and which plants grew in her neighborhood. She took it all in – the smells, colors and essence of spring.

Spring has lit her up, and in return it lit me up.

She figured out how to make time slow down by enjoying the season.

Go for a walk! Get to know your environment. Look up. Look down. Return to the same places every day and mark the changes – nature’s emergence. Have a conversation with nature.

Seeing change, makes you resilient to change. Besides, your liver functions better when you’re moving.

De-clutter, shed or minimize, depending on your Feng shui school of thought.2. Clean your house.

This should cause a sigh of relief. De-clutter, shed or minimize, depending on your Feng shui school of thought. First, the surface clean. Then, the deep clean. Then, the ruthless elimination of stuff. Nah, it doesn’t have to be ruthless. But it helps when you’re guided by a vision of who/what/how you want to be.

Another friend recently told me, over the same bowl of curry, that out of “nowhere” she’s madly inventorying everything she owns. She either has to find a home for it, give it away or throw it away. If you find yourself “spring cleaning” naturally, go with it! Though the desire to “clear out the nest” is real, people unfortunately confuse this urge for cleaning out their intestines, hence the coffee enemas. Let’s stick to the house.

As a guest teacher for a wellness program that includes this step, I am always amazed when students get to the de-clutter section how much transformation happens from filling double-sized garbage bags with stuff and taking them away. I encourage you to make time for it, even if you take 15 minutes a day until each room is complete.

Wild foods help you reclaim the highest nutritional content available. 3. Bend down, eat a green (dandelion) leaf every day you can.

Eating wild food (often) is one of the best ways to build strength, resilience and vigor. Wild food has survived the elements. Weeds have the power to grow through cement. They’ve learned how to adapt in less than ideal habitats. You want wild in your diet!

Eat dandelion because they’re the most easily identifiable weed and they are available in many seasons. There are many edible options on your way from the house to the car or bus, on your walks and along roadsides. If you want to expand your weed diet, google “Herb Walk” in your community. You can also look for herbal medicine that uses “wild crafted” herbs or find a friend that forages. Even organic farming practices have bred nutrition out of plants. Wild foods help you reclaim the highest nutritional content available. They’re also slightly bitter, a taste American palettes have lost. By increasing the amount of bitter in your diet, you naturally lower sweet cravings and change your taste buds to desire more nutrition. Buh bye, willpower!

Skin brushing moves your lymph for overall health, it's not superficial.4. Exfoliate. Scrub the s#%t out of your skin.

This year I slacked on my winter sloughing and I can feel it. It’s like my skin’s not breathing as well and it’s less fluid. (This is from someone who spent years skin brushing). The lymph doesn’t have a pump like your heart but movement and flow is equally important. The lymph gets pumped by moving your tissues. I never knew how impactful movement of any kind is, until my partner told me what happens to stroke or TBI patients in the neuro unit. In the rehab hospital where she trains, when someone becomes immobile, even for a day, the body shows signs of breakdown.

Skin brushing moves your lymph for overall health, it’s not superficial. Although the skin smoothing and exfoliating is awesome, the real gig is that you get the benefits of exercise and an overall feeling of wellness. A consistent routine of skin brushing 1-2 times per week is beneficial. It’s especially great after a long day of travel, sitting, or road tripping. If you try skin brushing just be careful what kind of brush you get – not too firm, not too soft.

You can also use a washcloth, “shower gloves,” or a “fascia blaster.” Facia blasting is different than skin brushing, it works to break up fascia but the goal here is circulation, lymph movement and blood flow. I’ve never tried the fascia blaster, but it comes highly recommended for relieving pain, inflammation and cellulite.

Anger is a part fo every emergence. 5. Get pissed.

There’s a lot to be angry about. But if you’re socialized female, you were taught that anger is dangerous, impolite and not tolerated. You were shamed out of anger.

It’s the shaming of anger that causes problems, not anger itself. In traditional Chinese medicine, spring is associated with the wood element. The wood’s “climate” is windy and the “emotion” is anger. When these two are flowing in harmony, anger comes to pass. How do you let anger pass? The first step is acknowledging it. Anger is a part of every emergence. Before every blooming tree was an agitated sapling. Make this your motto and you can move through anger as it becomes food to grow!

Get angry in the presence of other women who have your back through the process.

Want some healthy ways to move through anger? Exercise, kickboxing, kundalini yoga, sex, singing (especially angry songs), dance, and poetry. And while we’re in the wood element, the vocal quality is “shout.” There are workshops for this, which is great so you avoid unleashing on others. I haven’t seen that be effective on people you love.

Let your anger fuel your passion to take action. My whole business started because I was angry. I was angry that people get sick from food related illness. I was angry that the food system doesn’t care about health or animals, it cares about profits. I was angry because sexism exists in the healthcare system. What are you angry about?

This essay was inspired by my Instagram post “What Stage of Bloom are you in?”

My friend Yasmine responded with this beautiful poem by Swedish poet Karin Boye:

Yes Of Course It Hurts

Yes, of course it hurts when buds are breaking.
Why else would the springtime falter?
Why would all our ardent longing
bind itself in frozen, bitter pallor?
After all, the bud was covered all the winter.
What new thing is it that bursts and wears?
Yes, of course it hurts when buds are breaking,
hurts for that which grows
and that which bars.

Yes, it is hard when drops are falling.
Trembling with fear, and heavy hanging,
cleaving to the twig, and swelling, sliding –
weight draws them down, though they go on clinging.
Hard to be uncertain, afraid and divided,
hard to feel the depths attract and call,
yet sit fast and merely tremble –
hard to want to stay
and want to fall.

Then, when things are worst and nothing helps
the tree’s buds break as in rejoicing,
then, when no fear holds back any longer,
down in glitter go the twig’s drops plunging,
forget that they were frightened by the new,
forget their fear before the flight unfurled –
feel for a second their greatest safety,
rest in that trust
that creates the world.

marcie-goldman.png Blog written by Marcie Goldman. There’s nothing that lights up Marcie more than getting you glowy-good-health. Her work combines functional medicine strategies with nourishing Wise Woman Traditions, a stellar combination she’s honed over the last 15 years in her professional one-on-one practice & group programs. When Marcie finally realized she couldn’t stop people’s search for the “quick fix,” she created Mojo Mastery Month. This popular health makeover program celebrates food, nourishment and your body’s natural ability to heal. She invites you to sample her 7-day program for free including her menu of over 21 recipes!

Don’t miss Marcie and a whole tribe of like-minded women at this year’s Emerging Women Live event. This October, you can find yourself surrounded with real support, authentic thought leadership and inspiring stories. From the talented Elizabeth Gilbert to Esther Perel on sex and Sera Beak on spirituality, it’s an integrative experience you won’t want to miss! Register today!

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Anne Lamott joins Emerging Women Live 2016!

More tremendous news on the Emerging Women Live 2016 front!

You know that the Emerging Women community is all about sharing our true selves so that we can shine as the uniquely impactful leaders we are meant to be.

That’s why we’re so excited to announce Anne Lamott as a Keynote Speaker at this year’s national event in San Francisco, CA.

Anne Lamott, author and activist, is a model of compassionate faith, unwavering humor and a voice that tells it like it is, on good days and bad.

As a memoirist and as a non-fiction writer, Anne has a gift for being irreverent and profound at the same time. She is equal parts raw honesty and real hope, with an uncanny ability to glide from heart-wrenching to hilarious without irony or detachment from the core of the matter.

She’s prolific about it, too. She’s written seven novels, several books of non-fiction, and three collections of autobiographical essays. She’s a New York Times bestseller, a prestigious Guggenheim Fellow, a nationwide teacher of her craft, and an inductee of the California Hall of Fame to boot. Rock star!

As Cheryl Strayed mentions in the video below, her work transcends itself. Bird by Bird is as much of a guide to life as it is to writing. Traveling Mercies: Some Thoughts on Faith resonates with religious and non-religious people alike. We can’t wait to see what she brings to the intimate stage at EWLive16 to inspire and ignite the audience.

To get a glimpse of Anne Lamott’s style, watch as she talks with Cheryl Strayed about shitty first drafts, doubt, vulnerability and the universal impact of sharing your personal story:

We hope you’ll join Anne Lamott, Glennon Doyle Melton, and rest of the amazing Emerging Women community on October 13-16th at Emerging Women Live 2016 in San Francisco. Save your seat now!

Brené Brown to Deliver Opening Keynote at EWlive14

We are thrilled to announce to you today that the one, the only, Brené Brown will be speaking at Emerging Women Live 2014 in New York City, Oct 9-12th.

Those of you who saw her at EWlive13 know what a tremendous blessing it is to have her back again this year. Brené’s has reshaped the way we think about our strengths with her groundbreaking research on shame, gratitude, authenticity and vulnerability. Her insight and compassion is evident in this conversation we had in 2013 for Origin Magazine. Soak up some classic Brené wisdom and humor, and then sign up to join us all in NYC to see what revelations she has for us this year!

Interview from Origin Magazine, photography from EWlive13 in Boulder, CO.

Chantal Pierrat: I want to start by saying thank you for being so real. Your work gives people permission to be themselves, and that’s probably the greatest gift that anybody could give.

Brene Brown: Thank you, that means a lot. We teach what we have to learn. It’s been an extraordinary journey that I couldn’t have done with not only the research participants but the community, the tribe that we’ve built of people who are also on this journey.

CP: Does community help with the work of vulnerability? Does it help us to become more vulnerable?

BB: I can’t even think of the right word, but it’s not “help.” It’s more like a prerequisite. I think connection is why we’re here, it’s what gives purpose and meaning to our lives, and belonging is in our DNA. And so “tribe” and “belonging” are irreducible needs, like love.

“I think connection is why we’re here, it’s what gives purpose and meaning to our lives, and belonging is in our DNA.”twitter

CP: You started as a researcher. At what point did the researcher become the guinea pig, and how did that change your work, if at all?

BB: I’m still a researcher. The best way to explain it is that I trusted myself deeply as a professional, but I did not have a lot of self-trust personally. When I started learning all of these things about the value and the importance of belonging, vulnerability, connection, self-kindness and self-compassion, I trusted what I was learning—again, I know I’m a good researcher. When those things and wholeheartedness started to emerge with all these different properties, I knew I had to listen. I’d heard these messages before personally but I didn’t trust myself there.

I wasn’t really testing it on myself as much as I was learning from other people about what it meant to live and love with your whole heart, and then thinking, oh my god, I’m not doing that. Everything that these folks are saying that they’re trying to move away from, like comparison, perfectionism, judgement, and exhaustion as a status symbol—that all describes my life. It was more like a medical researcher studying a disease and figuring out he or she has it.

CP: You’ve got the credibility of your research, yet there’s something in your delivery that’s really opening people up.

BB: I love how you frame that, because it’s helping me understand myself better. Someone asked me very recently why I have 8 million views on TED —”your work resonates, what are you doing?” What I think my contribution is, what I do well, is I name experiences that are very universal that no one really talks about. That’s the researcher in me; that’s really part of being a grounded theory researcher—putting names to concepts and experiences that people have. Then I tell my own story. The two things that people really need to transform is language to understand their experience and to know they’re not alone. It’s the combination of the researcher-storyteller part.

“The two things that people really need to transform is language to understand their experience and to know they’re not alone.”twitter-logo-ew

CP: For people that are new to the concept of authenticity and playing around with vulnerability and courage, actually being themselves—is it something that can be practiced?

BB: It has to be practiced. It’s a practice for me every day, sometimes every hour of every day. It is an absolute practice. When I went into the research, I really thought that there are authentic people and inauthentic people, period. What I found is, there people who practice authenticity and people who don’t. The people who practice authenticity work their ass off at it.

“…there people who practice authenticity and people who don’t. The people who practice authenticity work their ass off at it.”twitter

It was so scary to me. Oh my god, that’s going to be a lot of work. I thought, You either have the gene or you don’t. It was scary. But it was so liberating: I thought, This is not predetermined—I get to choose. There are some days where I have to choose five times in a day. I had to make a choice when you called and the phone rang, whether I’m going to show up and be me, or whether I’m going to say what I think I’m supposed to say and get off the phone.

I had to choose this morning, when I could tell my husband was in kind of a rotten mood, whether I was just going to ignore it because I’m tired and it’s Friday and I’m packing lunches and getting kids to school and doing all this, or if I’m going to put everything down, start breakfast, and look at him and say, “Hey, something is going on. I want to hear about it.” It’s a practice. It’s about showing up. And sometimes I don’t do it. I almost always regret it, but sometimes I don’t do it. Sometimes I walk into a situation where I’m intimidated and I want to be liked and I want to fit in, and I don’t choose authenticity. And it’s always pretty miserable.

brene brown speaking

CP: What about the idea that we need to protect ourselves or have boundaries?

BB: Huge. One of the most painfully inauthentic ways we show up in our lives sometimes is saying “yes” when we mean “no,” and saying “no” when we mean “hell yes.” I’m the oldest of four, a people-pleaser—that’s the good girl straitjacket that I wear sometimes. I spent a lot of my life saying yes all the time and then being pissed off and resentful.

One of the things I talk a lot about in my work that I try to practice—which is really hard–is in those moments where we’re being asked to do things or asked to take over or asked to take care of something, we have to have the courage to choose discomfort over resentment. And to me, a huge part of my authenticity practice has been choosing discomfort and saying no.

“…we have to have the courage to choose discomfort over resentment.”twitter

On the flip side, I’ve also had to struggle with saying “yes.” Before I did this research and before I had my own breakdown and spiritual awakening around this work, my motto was, “Don’t do anything that you’re already not great at doing.” Which I think is the way the majority of adults in our culture live. Authenticity is also about the courage and the vulnerability to say, “Yeah, I’ll try it. I feel pretty uncomfortable and I feel a little vulnerable, but I’ll try it!”

CP: You’re talking about risk.

BB: That’s the whole idea behind Daring Greatly. That whole phrase, “daring greatly,” is from the Theodore Roosevelt quote that goes back to your original question of, what about the critics? And when I read his quote it was life-changing. “It’s not the critic who counts; it’s not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles or where the doer of deeds could have done the better. The credit belongs to those of us who are actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood. We strive valiantly and sometimes there’s the triumph of achievement but at the worst, we fail, but at least we fail while daring greatly.” That has really changed my life. Profoundly changed my life.

“We strive valiantly and sometimes there’s the triumph of achievement but at the worst, we fail, but at least we fail while daring greatly.” ~Theodore Roosevelttwitter

CP: Now it’s changing the lives of others.

BB: I think a lot of us are looking for the same thing. I feel very lucky to have a definitive moment where I know everything shifted in me, and it was the moment I read that quote. Because I thought, A. That’s everything I know about vulnerability. It’s not winning, it’s not losing, it’s showing up and being seen. B. That’s who I want to be. Courage is a value. My faith is the organizing principle in my life and what underpins my faith is courage and love, and so I have to be in the arena if I’m going to live in alignment with my values.

And the last thing is, I can’t be paralyzed anymore by the critics. My new mantra is, if you’re not in the arena getting your ass kicked on occasion, then I’m not interested in your feedback. You don’t get to sit in the cheat seat and criticize my appearance or my work with mean-spiritedness if you’re also not in the arena. Now, if you’re also in the arena and you’re putting your ideas out and you’re owning them and you’re saying “I disagree with you about this and that, I think you’ve got this wrong”—then not only do I invite that, I freaking love that. I love that. I’m an academic. I’m hardwired for a good debate.

CP: How would the world be different if we all learned to really embrace vulnerability and authenticity?

BB: We would solve a lot of huge problems that are causing massive suffering. Poverty, violence, homophobia, heterosexism, racism, the environment—all these things that are crippling us. We need big, bold, dangerous, crazy ideas to solve these problems. When failure is not an option, innovation and creativity are not options. In a highly critical, scarcity-based world, everyone’s afraid to fail. As long as we’re afraid to fail, we’ll never come up with the big, bold ideas we need to solve these problems.

“Poverty, violence, homophobia, heterosexism, racism, the environment—all these things that are crippling us. We need big, bold, dangerous, crazy ideas to solve these problems.”[inline]twitter

We have become this very fear-based culture, especially post-9/11. Fear is the opposite of love, in my opinion. I think there would be more love in the world. I’m not talking about rainbows and unicorns and ‘70s Coca-Cola commercials. I’m talking about gritty, dangerous, wild-eyed love. Radical acceptance of people. Belonging. A good, goofy kind of love.

CP: You’re on fire!

BB: [laughing] I’m having a passionate Friday, can you tell?

CP: You’re really funny – you make people laugh. I’m curious: how do you think humor fits into your work?

BB: I’m a huge fan of the poet Billy Collins. I heard him say, “Humor is the door to the serious.” I think that shame is a universal, paralyzing, painful emotion. The only universal language I know of that wraps up joy and gratitude and love is laughter. And so I believe in the healing power of laughter. I believe laughter forces us to breathe. I think laughter between people is a holy form of connection, of communion. It’s the way you and I look at each other and without words, say, I get exactly what you’re saying. And so, it’s important to me.

“The only universal language I know of that wraps up joy and gratitude and love is laughter. And so I believe in the healing power of laughter.”twitter

CP: It’s also disarming.

BB: I agree. The laughter that happens when people are truth-telling and showing up and being real – I call that “knowing laughter.” That’s what happens between people when we recognize the absurdity of the belief that we’re alone in anything. If there’s a feeling you have, other people have it. If there’s something weird about your life, other people have lived it. If there’s something kooky about your body, other people have that, too. We’re not alone. There’s some kind of tremendous relief in that and I think it can only be expressed in belly laughter. This tremendous relief that happens the millisecond we realize, it’s not just me. That’s what good laughter is about. It’s about knowing that you’re not alone.

>> Ready to laugh, cry and get mad goosebumps and inspired ideas together? Join us at Emerging Women Live 2014 in New York City, October 9-12th. Register now for savings!

Juicy Bites This Week – Accepting The Truth of Who You Are

This week we find out:

  • Fascinating research that points out the achievements and challenges women face in the workplace
  • Alanis Morissette’s advice for women who are on the precipice of their own Emergence
  • Women’s barriers to becoming leaders, and candidates for senior positions
  • The inspiration behind Emerging Women
  • How self-compassion can help us accept the truth of who we are

At the end of this post, we encourage you to join us for a conversation. This week’s Juicy Bites question for you, dear emerging women, is:

What allows you to accept the truth of who you are?

1. Women in the Workplace: A Research Roundup via Harvard Business Review

This article explores recent research by business, psychology, and sociology scholars that offers a window into women’s collective experiences in the workplace, bringing light to issues such as:

  • Work/Life Balance
  • Equal Pay
  • Leadership Qualities

Continue reading…

2. Alanis Morissette – Creative Intimacy and the Merging of Yin and Yang via Grace & Fire

Emerging Women is happy to announce the launch of our podcast series: Grace & Fire.

Our first podcast features the amazing powerhouse Alanis Morissette as she talks about:

  • Vulnerability
  • Strength with Femininity and balancing the Yin/Yang or Masculine and Feminine essence
  • The effect of success on the creative process
  • How anger can actually build intimacy in relationship
  • And finally, Alanis gives her one piece of advice for women who are on the precipice of their own Emergence.

Alanis is a keynote speaker at the 2013 Emerging Women Live Conference, October 10th-13th in Boulder, CO.

Listen to the podcast HERE

3. Women Rising: The Unseen Barriers via Harvard Business Review

We are seeing more and more companies make gender diversity a priority. Despite the good intentions of their employers, women still face hurdles to becoming leaders and candidates for senior positions.

“Becoming a leader involves much more than being put in a leadership role, acquiring new skills, and adapting one’s style to the requirements of that role. It involves a fundamental identity shift. Organizations inadvertently undermine this process when they advise women to proactively seek leadership roles without also addressing policies and practices that communicate a mismatch between how women are seen and the qualities and experiences people tend to associate with leaders.”

Continue Reading…

4. LeapCast Podcast Episode #3 – Chantal Pierrat via LeapCast

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Check out this podcast series from LeapCast – a catalytic community for passion-seeking women.

Tune in to learn what inspired Chantal to start Emerging Women Live, the fears that surfaced as she was launching, and how she pushed past them.

Listen to the podcast HERE

5. Embracing Our Common Humanity With Self-Compassion via Huff Post Healthy Living

Kristin Neff talks about the importance of self-compassion and being in touch with our common humanity, and how that allows us to be more understanding and less judgmental about our inadequacies, and more aligned with the truth of who we are. Recognizing that we are not alone in our suffering, and that failure and imperfection is inevitable we are able to be acceptant of ourselves and less intimidated by our mistakes.

“One of the most important elements of self-compassion is the recognition of our shared humanity. Compassion is, by definition, relational. Compassion literally means “to suffer with,” which implies a basic mutuality in the experience of suffering. The emotion of compassion springs from the recognition that the human experience is imperfect, that we are all fallible.”

Kristin Neff is a speaker at the 2013 Emerging Women Live Conference, October 10th-13th in Boulder, CO.

This week’s Juicy Bites question for you, dear emerging women is:

What allows you to accept the truth of who you are?

Let’s start a conversation. We would love to hear from you! Leave a comment below.