Category: Emerging Women

 

I’ll be the first to admit: I’m so eager to grow my business that whenever opportunity presents itself, I want to do it all by myself.

The first thing I do is put myself at the front of the line to get everything over the finish line. I have got to do it all, and I have got to do it tomorrow.

But here’s the thing: when we’re building success — especially sacred success — we can and should take all the time we need.

Take your time with it and make it yours. Because you’ll never do the same thing as someone else. It’s not going anywhere. There’s no rush. Any time we start to do something successful, our mindsets are all going to be challenged.

So how can we emerge in a way that is authentic and natural so that it’s a creative process and not a goal-based process? So that it is powered with Universal Flow rather than hard will and force?

When I follow my intuition and inner resonance, I feel so much more creative and connected with an audience, with my team, with my journey toward success. Which is why these mindsets are by no means a “formula” for you to follow but ways in which you can find yourself…and follow the truth of who you are.

 

Mindsets for Success

 

1. Understanding Beliefs and Experiences Are Intertwined

 

Our experiences are both caused by our beliefs and informed by them.

When something unwanted happens, we are so quick to try to pick apart our beliefs to find out which of them is the limiting belief that caused this discomfort.

Yet, we also need to remember that we create our experiences and our experiences reinforce our beliefs. When we change our beliefs, our experiences change.

And sometimes we need to take a leap of faith with a choice or action that is unfamiliar – to change the experience so we can create new beliefs.

Mindset Statement for Success

Instead of thinking, I’ll believe it when I see it, try to shake things up with the mindset of:

“When I believe it, I will see it.”

 

2. Acknowledging and Recognizing Positive Beliefs

 

Because we’re so quick to pick apart our negative beliefs, it’s almost too easy to overlook our positive mindsets.

But if we’re always focusing on what’s wrong, we’ll naturally end up focusing our attention on this negativity. And what happens when we pay attention to what we don’t want? We invite more of it into our lives.

Make a list of all the things that are going right in your life. Wins, things you wouldn’t change.

Say to yourself: “I created those things.”

These things came from your mindsets, beliefs, and patterns in your brain that are working for you. We take them for granted because they’re positive, but it’s important to recognize them.

Mindset Statements for Success

“I create the positive things in my life.”

“I’m looking forward to more; more of this, please!”

 

3. Connecting With Others

 

This is one mindset I struggle with regularly. “I have to do everything by myself,” is one of my biggest limiting beliefs.

I know what my business needs. And let’s face it, I can get things done faster and more efficiently when I’m doing them myself. Who else knows my business better than I do?

But the thing is, none of my successes happened without the support of others. And the times in which I did try to do things all alone? It only led to burnout and isolation.

Success on your own, by yourself, with you at the center of your efforts, is not sustainable.

Sometimes you feel as though you’re the only one who can do these things, but that’s not true.

And it’s not a mindset for success!

You don’t have to do it alone. You’re never working in isolation (even if you’re still just a team of one). The more you say, “I gotta do this,” the more unpleasant it is, and the more you burn out.

You can go further and faster when you’re connecting and sharing, when you invite others to your journey toward success.

Reach out to people in your network – keep them close and informed, even when things get tough.

You can move through challenges so much faster through the reflections of your support circle.

There are more people wanting you to succeed than you realize.

Mindset Statements for Success

“I will be supported in achieving my dreams. My success is supported and celebrated by the people around me. ”

“The universe brings me powerful and supportive people who amplify my vision and help me to make my dreams manifest.”

 

4. Trusting in Your Own Version of Success

 

Success doesn’t look the same for everyone, and there are no “right” or “wrong” ways to create your own version of success.

To find what’s right for you, look for resonance, and follow what feels right. When something resounds within you, things are easy and obvious. We can recognize ourselves in these situations. We intuit when something is meant for us.

And when something isn’t a fit? Your body will tell you.

It seems easy to follow a formula for success, but very rarely do these formulas work for everybody. I don’t yearn for Oprah’s path. I admire her and she inspires me to reach for the stars. But I am not drawn to emulate her path – I feel exhausted just thinking about it!

What does success look and feel like to you? How do you want to be successful, what do you want to feel, what will you be doing every day? How do you want to live your life as a successful woman?

Mindset Statements for Success

“My success comes with ease and flow.”

“I create success on my own terms, in a way that supports my well-being.”

“Success is energizing, supports my growth, and allows me to be authentic in my power.”

 

5. Accepting Failure

 

Failure is part of the journey to success.

Having the courage to fail is freaking hard. Not knowing is hard. Being uncomfortable is hard. So is taking risks and being vulnerable.

But there is comfort in discomfort because getting comfortable with being uncomfortable is part of the process. When something feels uncomfortable, you can draw upon your self-trust and resonance to figure out if it’s the right type of discomfort.

In order to take it to the next level, we have to do something we haven’t done before. Whatever your goals (or wherever you are in your journey), we must make peace with being uncomfortable and not knowing.

And we need to fail, and fail often. Because surviving failure, and getting back into the game with a deeper knowledge of ourselves brings us closer to success.

The people we admire the most, the most inspiring humans on the planet, have faced some kind of harsh adversity on their success journey. And because we Emerging Women are playing BIG, we need to be ready to have the same experience.

We got this.

Mindset Statements for Success

“I grow stronger and wiser from adversity. I welcome the transformation that challenge brings.”

“I trust in myself and my connection to spirit. When I can’t see the road forward I surrender my will and lead with intent and faith.”

“My superpower is being comfortable with not knowing.”

 

6. Believing You Have Everything You Need

 

You have everything you need for success. You have everything you need to be successful.

You don’t need to be someone else or fix yourself.

In fact, allowing your true self to step forward is better than creating something (or someone) new. Seeing ourselves in our true light is essential for success.

Mindset Statements for Success

“I am enough. Hell, I am more than enough.”

“I have what it takes to live the life of my dreams. It is my destiny to grow into this vision for myself.”

 

7. Timing Your Success

 

Your success is yours alone. And it will come in its own time. And you will have many successes in your lifetime.

Don’t compare yourself to anyone else.

Where it may take others one year to reach a milestone, it may take you several to reach a similar one.

It’s so easy to feel overwhelmed.

Draw on your resonance and self-trust and give yourself the time and space you need to make it happen.

If it feels especially hard, or rushed, this creative endeavor may belong to someone else.

Trust that what you want to bring about in the world is unique because it’s coming through the filter of you.

There is only one you. When you bring something to life, when you bring something forward and offer it to the world, it has never been offered before because YOU are the channel.

Trust in that and don’t compare yourself to others.

Mindset Statements for Success

“My success story is just beginning. I trust that the best of me is emerging in perfect timing.”

“I have something unique and powerful to offer. My wisdom comes to me easily and flows like a river through me.”

Why Fake It Till You Make It Won’t Cut It Anymore

 

Got a complicated relationship with the phrase Fake it till you make it? Me too.

We’ve all been encouraged to fake it till we make it, but how helpful is this advice? Is “fitting in” what we actually want to do?

Women in business are constantly advised to embrace our unique gifts. So, why would we want to fake anything to fit in?

Probably because we’ve been advised to lean into the masculine definition of success, rather than creating the kind of success that energizes and inspires us.

We can’t wait for the current paradigm to accept us for who we are to Emerge. If we wait until we are ready, we’ll never get there. The process of emergence is becoming who we are as it is happening in real-time. It is within this process that change actually happens.

Wouldn’t it be better to show our true selves, embrace our vulnerability, and actually deal with the fear of potential failure instead of turning away from it?

 

What’s Wrong With Fitting In?

 

Is there anything really wrong with fitting in? No, not inherently.

We all want to fit in sometimes. Fitting in can mean we’ve found our crew, that we belong.

But forcefully trying to fit in when it just doesn’t… fit? That’s actually a pretty good indication that there’s something off.

Women are born leaders, so we don’t need to fake leadership in any way.

Instead of trying to change ourselves to fit into something that feels awkward or uncomfortable, we should be trying to bring our authentic selves to the table and work to change what it means to be a leader. That’s diversity.

 

My Fake It Till You Make It Story

 

I’ve flirted with the fake it till you make it philosophy. And believe me, fitting in can be a slippery slope that can lead to an uncomfortable, tense work environment.

While the fake it till you make it philosophy can work in some situations, I’ve found that it’s more effective to just be yourself.

Anytime you make a big career change (like say, landing a job as a marketing director for a publishing company after building a career in medical technology), you’re going to need to learn a lot of new information and skills.

Add to that a heavy travel schedule to support the monster growth you intend to accomplish, and you’re going to need to learn how to live an entirely different life. New industry, new culture, new cities, new subway, new friends, new life. All at the same time.

But here’s the kicker…

Feeling like an imposter wasn’t really anything new to me.

Truth be told, I’d spent my entire life trying to fit in and figure it out as I went.

And I’ve gotta say, trying to keep myself small was flipping exhausting.

And this wasn’t the only time I felt like an imposter, either — I’ve spent my entire life trying to understand what it takes to be a powerful and fully-expressed woman. After decades of “fitting in” and “figuring out,” I’ve realized that it’s more exhausting to stay small than it is to be vulnerable.

Those fake it till you make it days were dark.

They were full of fear and anxiety, wondering when the other shoe would drop and everyone would see me for who I really was: a scared woman playing the part of a confident, successful man.

Too quick to hide my feminine qualities and too afraid to be seen and heard in the truth of who I am.

Can faking it and fitting in lead to success and give you what you want? Abso-freaking-lutely.

But it takes so much more work to find success this way. And along the way, your true self is replaced by abilities and confidence.

What’s the point of being a vessel of knowledge and power if you can’t use those skills to self-express your true, authentic self?

 

The Negative Effects of Fake It Till You Make It

 

Faking it was problematic for me on a personal level. And if it was so bad for me, imagine how it was for those around me.

People can feel or intuit when you’re faking. Do they know why they’re feeling bad? Probably not. But that doesn’t mean they can’t feel the negative effects anyway.

Studies show that leaders effectively handling negative emotions can be good for the entire team.

Maybe your anger or frustration or anxieties can’t be felt outright. Maybe you don’t go all Devil Wears Prada on your team. But your team can still sense that tension.

There’s no way to manage non-verbal cues, such as involuntary facial expressions and body language, without dealing with the source of your negative feelings.

Plus, you’ll experience negative effects, such as rising blood pressure, indicating stress.

 

How to Use Authenticity to Be a More Effective Leader

 

So what’s the antidote to faking it? Daring to be authentic.

A more effective way to seem confident and knowledgeable and capable is to face our vulnerability and challenges head-on.

How do we do this? Through authentic connection.

Authentic connections can make us stronger and braver. It’s real and lasting. It can help us believe in ourselves and reprogram negative thought patterns.

The neuroscience of trust shows that high-trust companies report:

— 74% less stress
— 106% more energy
— 50% higher productivity
— 13% fewer sick days
— 29% more satisfaction with their lives
— 40% less burnout

On top of that, other research has indicated that positive relationships boost self-esteem, and vice versa.

These studies suggest that vulnerability can lead to more positive relationships, higher levels of trust, more energy, less stress, and more overall life satisfaction.

We get our power from full, unadulterated expression.

Being vulnerable (and the willingness to fail) can lead to more confidence and better leadership skills.

Instead of spending our time fitting in, why not take the time to explore these feelings and be brave enough to be vulnerable instead?

Show others only your game face and you’ll be surrounded by people questioning their own value and berating themselves for their own self-doubt and fears.

Bring people on the journey with you, and you’ll be surrounded by a league of supporters as brave and authentic as you.

I believe intimacy is the future for humanity.

When we think of intimacy, we so often think of sexual intimacy. But that’s just one small part of it. When we’re talking about intimacy, we’re not talking about sex. We’re talking about sensuality.

Yes, when we’re intimate with another person, it feels good. We’re in our bodies. We’re connecting with someone else. But how much better could that intimate connection be if we first create intimacy with ourselves and Spirit? What about our intuition and other senses that aren’t so physical or obvious?

So much of building intimacy is about building trust. Trust in ourselves and trust in others. This is an interdependent relationship, one that we can’t practice alone. Even when we are practicing intimacy with ourselves, there is a give-and-take involved.

And that’s not to say that the intimacy we practice with ourselves, the world, and Spirit is just to prep us for intimacy with another person, either.

Reconnecting with intimacy — and what it means to be intimate as a human and a woman — can ignite our intuition and allow us to fully step into our desires.

 

Intimacy With the Present Moment

 

When we start to work with intimacy, it’s easier to do so with the present moment. Especially since we can do this wherever/whenever we want to experience that intimacy. We can also use this practice to start building the trust muscle, especially those of us who struggle with trust.

As the saying goes, “There is only the present moment.” Because the past is just a memory, and the future is just a dream. (Actually, the future isn’t just a dream because we can be grounded in the future as much as we are in the past — but more on that later).

Yet, practicing intimacy in the present moment is “easier” because we can ground ourselves in the sensory experiences of our spaces.

Intimacy is using all of our physical senses.

When we are intimate with the present moment, we can inhale the woody scent of a nearby wood stove or fireplace, feel lulled by the relaxing slosh of the dishwasher, and even enjoy the feel of cold, smooth floorboards beneath our feet.

When was the last time you truly enjoyed the mundane sights, sounds, and smells of our surroundings?

When we are in that space and we understand what that means to us, we have a better understanding of how to connect to ourselves, others, and spirit in a way that is more potent than simply listing what we’re grateful for.

When we are intimate with the present moment, we’re living that gratitude.

Intimacy With Ourselves

 

Experiencing intimacy with our spaces is good practice for experiencing intimacy with ourselves.

Yes, we can use our five physical senses to get into our bodies and start the practice. But when we experience intimacy of self, something else starts to come through, too. A knowing.

But while knowing sounds as though it’s something deep and primal, it’s simply that we’re just able to trust ourselves and that trust enforces our decisions.

The patriarchy asks us to disconnect from our bodies, from ourselves. It forces us to be someone we’re not, to ignore our instincts. And it does that because when we’re disconnected from ourselves, we look outside ourselves for answers. We start to emulate others instead of just living from the truth of who we are.

But here’s the wild thing: studies show that when asked whether participants would rather choose to switch places with someone else or stay who they are, the majority of people choose to stay themselves.

We would rather be ourselves than someone else. So why are we trying to constantly emulate others?

Intimacy with ourselves allows us to pay closer attention to who we are, and we find hidden gems when we’re paying attention.

We also experience more intuition and self-awareness. This is an interdependent relationship with our highest selves, our highest wisdom. When we are practicing intimacy, we get the unshakeable power of taking action with confidence, we make better choices, and we take steps toward our desires.

Intimacy With Others

 

Once we have intimacy with ourselves and our surroundings, we can start inviting others into our intimacy party. We can be intimate with our partners, parents, children, friends, pets, co-workers, and just about anyone else we choose to.

When we have the confidence to be intimate with ourselves — to be more of ourselves — we can risk more and be more vulnerable with others. Because we know that what other people project upon us isn’t us. We don’t need to become hooked into someone else’s energy or reactions to who they think we are.

Intimacy isn’t just about being fully present or in our own bodies during the “good” times. We also need to be intimate with others during emotionally charged or traditionally difficult times, too.

The dominant culture asks us to disconnect from difficult emotions, to “power” through, and “just deal with it” so it can sell us the remedies to these issues.

What if we could experience intimacy with our aging parents? With death? What a gift that would be to be present and knowing and feeling while someone else passes from this world and into the next.

And if we can be intimate throughout that experience with our loved ones, we could find intimacy in our own mortality, too.

Intimacy With Spirit

 

Of course, all of this is connected to Spirit and what else is beyond the senses.

In many religions and spiritual practices, we’re taught that the body and sensuality are evil and that we’re supposed to transcend them.

But again, this disconnect from our bodies and our desires only isolates us more. And it certainly doesn’t get us any closer to Spirit, our guides or something greater than ourselves. Yes, giving in to every physical and worldly desire or whim doesn’t increase our intimacy. But neither does ignoring our physicalities and our wants and (let’s be honest) our needs.

Bringing all of this intimacy to Spirit makes the whole thing more tangible.

When we have intimacy with Spirit and our guides and the messages we’re receiving, we experience a full-sensory connection that reaches the marrow of our bones and the center of our hearts. Not only can we experience it through our five senses, but we can also almost taste the experience. We can feel it because we are the experience. We become it.

Intimacy With the World

 

When we experience intimacy at this level, we’re not just absorbing the energy of others. We start to create intimacy with the world — and what we want to express in it.

Our desires, wishes, dreams, and visions are all part of our world and how we want to Emerge into it — what we want to bring into this world. But are we really taking the time to fully step into these visions? Use your capacity for intimacy and imagination to create a sensory-loaded experience of your offering to the world. Get close to what you want and you will have more creative power than you ever thought possible.

When you think of your life and your participation and offering in the word, never take your eyes off your relationship with intimacy.

Instead of trying to look outside of yourself to inform how you should express yourself, you only need to look inward to do so. When you’re intimate with yourself and your surroundings, only then will you start to realize that what’s inside and what’s outside are one and the same.

“Women. Life. Freedom.”

These three words were being chanted in cities across Iran, in the weeks following the brutal death of 22-year old Mahsa Amini by morality police for violating the country’s headscarf mandate.

Amid these protests, many Iranian women have adopted the political symbolism of burning their headscarves and cutting their hair – both a statement against rules marginalizing women, and in honor of Amini.

Women. Life. Freedom.

These three words distill the essence of existence for half the globe’s population. Women around the world are galvanized by what is being described as a “watershed moment” for Iran – and for women around the world. Artists, politicians, and other luminaries are cutting their hair in symbolic support.

Women. Life. Freedom.

These three words? A call to action. A call of the heart. A call of the warrior.

According to Merriam Webster, the primary definition of “warrior” is “a person engaged in or experienced in warfare.” The broad definition is “a person engaged in some struggle or conflict.”

 

The women of Iran are warriors. These women fit all the definitions.

 

Some of them likely didn’t see themselves as such. Or didn’t know they had it in them.

But they always did. And do. As do all women.

We all know what this looks and feels like. When the Warrior comes out, we feel strong, brave, and ready for action. Regardless if it’s about a larger issue such as women’s rights, or an issue closer to home such as a loved one in harm’s way – concerns about stirring the pot and physical danger slip away, and we seemingly embody invincibility. Sometimes alone, though usually in numbers, we cry, shout, and move.

We’re on fire, and often in various forms of vulnerability.

When women create a movement, they take way more risk (than men).

Women traditionally manage the needs of the home, so in fraught scenarios the question emerges “will everything fall apart?”

When women lead with their heart, and they bring in their Warrior spirit, the bravery and determination is unmatched. The women of Iran are avatars of this spirit.

For those of us who may not be on the front lines but who need encouragement, let us draw on the brave women around the world.

 

But there are two sides to “good warrior-ing.”

 

If we don’t have the energy to organize and put our best selves forward, we’ll burn out before we’ve begun. A key element of the Warrior Spirit is to put ourselves first, as it’s too much for any of us to be in full-on Warrior mode at all times. If we don’t fill our own cups, we won’t be able to bring that spirit.

Whether fortifying ourselves for the challenges present in every day or for those that emerge and create a tipping point.

To powerfully channel your Warrior Spirit, I recommend taking care by recognizing and developing these feminine superpowers:

Self-Compassion

Women are always on the front lines, and it’s part of the Warrior Spirit to recognize a) the heroic efforts we engage in each day, and b) our limits as regards our own mental health. According to several sources, women are twice as likely to experience an anxiety disorder as a man. For women, anxiety is also likely to occur with other mental health conditions, such as depression or obsessive-compulsive disorder. We need to be our own caretakers, especially during turbulent times.

Connection with Others

Reaching out to make connections or for help takes fierce courage. No one has to go it alone in this life. Asking for a variety of perspectives and listening takes strength, and adds energy and inspiration to our efforts.

Courage of the Heart

If we are in survival mode day to day, there is no time to figure out what is in our heart – and we have to tap into the heart before tapping into the warrior.

The Latin root of the word courage is cor, or coeur – the French word for heart. In one of its earliest forms, the word courage meant ‘To speak one’s mind by telling all one’s heart.’ Over time, this definition has changed, and today, we typically associate courage with heroic and brave deeds. But in my opinion, this definition fails to recognize the inner strength and level of commitment required for us to actually speak honestly and openly about who we are and about our experiences — good and bad. Speaking from our hearts is what I think of as “ordinary courage” – part of what makes us human.

Whether we’re marching in the streets or going about our day-to-day, women need to be fiercely self-compassionate, stay in connection with our community, and lead with the power of our hearts. This will allow us to use our Warrior Spirit to fight for a just and compassionate world that supports us – and the generations of women to come.

Women. Life. Freedom.

These three words are the heartbeat of a Warrior Spirit.