What to Do When Things Are Falling Apart

A woman with long hair sitting at a desk in front of a computer. They have their elbows on the desk and hands on their face in distress.

“Things falling apart is a kind of testing and also a kind of healing. We think that the point is to pass the test or to overcome the problem, but the truth is that things don’t really get solved. They come together and they fall apart. Then they come together again and fall apart again. It’s just like that. The healing comes from letting there be room for all of this to happen: room for grief, for relief, for misery, for joy.”

— Pema Chödrön, When Things Fall Apart

My friend. We have to talk about burnout. Exhaustion. What to do when things fall apart.

Because sometimes we get so inspired by bringing our visions into reality, or life gets way too full for us to carry it all, and we careen, overloaded, into a ditch of burnout.

(I have tips for you. A free mini-course. A new program! Keep reading, I got you.)

Here at Emerging Women, we started doing live events 10 years ago. Our events overflowed with women from all walks of life who came to connect with each other and hear the wisdom of radiant leaders like Reshma Saujani, Ester Perel, Ani DiFranco, Brene Brown, Liz Gilbert, Alicia Garza, Janet Mock, and Dr. Tererai Trent.

At these events, women would approach me to speak about different topics. These topics would range from finance, motherhood, entrepreneurship, and creativity — all the issues modern women who are self-actualizing are facing today.

There were so many women who wanted to speak about burnout. And at that time, I said no because I thought it just wasn’t exactly the energy of “emergence.” I didn’t want to bring people down and dampen our “up-and-out” catalytic energy.

That’s why, out of over 100 speakers, not one person spoke about the topic. Not one person — even on the podcast — spoke about it until year seven. The first person to talk about anything like that was Rachael O’Meara, who wrote the book Pause: Harnessing the Life-Changing Power of Giving Yourself a Break.

Guess why I brought her in? Because I’d lost my own personal power. I was burnt out!

When recalling this story, I had to backtrack to figure out when it actually happened.

Hmmm… it happened after the fifth EW live event. No, the fourth. No. It happened after the third, actually.

That’s how it sneaks up on you… it’s so hard to recognize. We’re taught so much to focus on the positive. Even in hindsight, it’s hard to pinpoint when things actually started falling apart for me.

There were signs, and I ignored them because I felt I couldn’t give myself permission to do the self-care I needed. I was so driven that I was on a hamster wheel of bad habits.

Of not enough connection with myself. Of saying yes to everything. Of feeling that I had no option and no choice.

The complete opposite of the energy of Emerging Women and emergence!

I was trying to bring this Emerging Women model into the world, and I was offering it to everyone but myself.

It’s not possible to authentically bring something to the world if you’re not offering it to yourself as well.

I was in it for three years.

Between those three years, the two-year journey to total exhaustion, and the recovery from it, I “wasted” five years of my life feeling depleted. When I could have been creating from the Emerging Women model.

Since then, and from what I learned from my healing journey out of burnout, we created my newest offering, the Radiant Leader Mastery Program for Leadership and Life.

Radiant Leader is a 9-month immersive experience built to help you step into your power (and keep you there), develop your leadership, stand in your truth, extend your reach, connect with other powerhouse women, and watch your life expand in ways you never thought possible.

Radiant Leader brings the material from our corporate programs to you — individual leaders, entrepreneurs, executives, and business-builders. .

We begin on March 7, 2024. Learn more & apply.

We created Radiant Leader to connect you to that endless supply of inner power and energy.

  • To increase your connection with yourself
  • To harness deeply rooted practices and awareness
  • To prevent system override
  • To help you tap into the feminine perspective
  • To reimagine a different way to lead that works for WOMEN and the people we love
  • And have a strong voice in shaping our future

 

That’s what Radiant Leadership is. The power that comes from within.

3 Precursors to Total Mental Exhaustion

When I look back, I’m able to see that I was slowly coming undone by the second live Emerging Women event.

Here are three precursors to mental exhaustion I can see now were at play then — and that you will want to keep an eye on for yourself.

The sooner you recognize that things are falling apart, the easier it will be to stop pushing so hard.

1. Exhaustion

I was exhausted for quite some time before I ever realized that it wasn’t the good kind (you know, the exhaustion you feel after a rejuvenating hike or a creative jam session).

The type of exhaustion we want to be very aware of, to avoid, and that comes before burnout, feels like you can’t breathe. Like you’re grasping for something but you don’t know what. It’s full of emotional, mental, and physical fatigue.

2. Numbness

When your flame is flickering, you just don’t care as much. You feel a disconnect from yourself and others. Which is real.

Because you need to disconnect to “push through”.

When you’re coming undone, making decisions becomes much more difficult. You don’t know whether you’re coming or going. You just act because things still need to get done. You’re apathetic about your choices because you don’t have the space to make good ones.

3. Increased Negativity

When things were falling apart for me, I refused to accept it. I kept moving forward, turning away from anyone who wanted to talk about inward healing.

I was so intent on avoiding negativity that I was creating more of it. Negativity can look like you’d expect it to look. But it can also look like toxic positivity.

You may find it hard to feel positive about the world around you, but you might also be so dead-set on putting things back together that you don’t allow yourself the space to feel what you feel.

Of course, these are not the only three signs you’re falling apart.

If any of this resonates with you, I have a free mini-course on noticing the signs of burnout and five of my beloved Power Practices which will help you to access the healing energy you need to increase your radiance and follow your resonance.

Download “Saving Yourself From Burnout,” and I hope you love it as much as I loved creating it for you.

I want to help you shortcut the hard lessons of burnout so you can be the radiant being you truly are.

We still need to take care of ourselves — especially when we have vision but we’re so fried that we can’t take another step. When we’re losing our personal power. When our creative flame is sputtering. When everything is happening all at once.

We need to take care to slow things down and emerge in a way that’s natural and easy.

The feminine perspective allows us to preempt the hard stuff with tenderness and vulnerability, so we’ll be able to:

  • Open our hearts
  • Increase intimacy
  • Make things easier

 

Acting from our limiting beliefs is what makes things hard. Pushing through when we’re coming undone is what makes things hard.

Once we can free ourselves from these mindsets, we have more and more access to the inner power and energy we need to face the other challenges that are inherent in our journeys to self-expression and bringing our dreams into actuality.

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