How to Talk About the Hard Things

There is one question that guides all of the work that Wokie Nwabueze does.

What does each woman need to do or reclaim in order to be able to speak with power and authority?

We all know the tide is turning in favor of women speaking up in difficult conversations. But just knowing there’s a movement isn’t enough to prepare us to actually have those difficult conversations.

Lucky for us, Wokie is here to help.

 

Mindset

In Wokie’s most recent Emerging Women Power Boost, she notes that it’s easy to lose integrity with yourself before you even walk into a difficult conversation.

To effectively advocate for yourself, you have to decide that you are in your authority, and that you’re comfortable with that. You have to inject yourself in a way that is powerful.

Wokie Nwabueze Power Boost

In Wokie’s words, you have to roll out your ideas like Rihanna on the red carpet. You must demand to be seen and heard so that you can overcome that barrier of invisibility women leaders are so often up against.

 

Phases of Constructive Dialogue

Once you’re feeling full-on Rihanna about yourself, you can further prepare by running through Wokie’s 5 Phases of Constructive Dialogue. To hear Wokie go into more detail about each point, watch the replay of her Power Boost HERE.

1. Planning
Get clear on your needs. Be deeply honest with yourself. When you can articulate exactly what you need and why, you’re much more likely to bring keep a conversation on track and bring the conflict to a satisfactory resolution.

2. Outline of Issue
Explore how you can present the issue in a nonjudgemental, objective way. Try attaching the needs you’ve identified directly to the issue at hand.

Say your partner leaves wet towels on the floor and it drives you nuts. Telling them, “I need to know you respect our shared space,” can lead to an infinitely more productive outcome than “You’re such a slob! You drive me nuts!”

3. Dialogue/Discovery
Now it’s time for connected conversation. Talk, listen, and ask questions. Find a way to recognize each other’s humanity through it all. As Wokie says, “Empathy is the holy grail of all communication.”

In the towel example, you might ask, “What does respect of space mean to you?” Be ready to listen openly to an honest response.

4. Value Exchange
Don’t forget, there’s a person who has their own needs and fears on the other side of this conversation. What might you offer to exchange with them so that both parties can come out with a win?

It’s also important to check in with yourself to see whether you are rushing to make everyone comfortable instead of focusing on your needs. Planning with Wokie’s 5 Phases will make you much less likely to do this.

5. Agreement/Next Steps
If the mere mention of conflict gives you the shivers, remember that conflict is simply the meeting of two different views or needs. All conflict offers the possibility of change and positive resolution!

 

What If You’re Getting Derailed?

Even with a lot of good planning in place, conversations can get derailed.

Wokie outlines the most common things that send us off track, and shares her methods for getting back on course later in her Power Boost. If you want to hear more about that, you can watch the replay HERE.

These tips are especially helpful if you’re feeling overwhelmed, if the conversation is going on too long, or if you’re accused of being too emotional.

The Power Boost ends, as always, with an eye-opening Q&A from the viewers. We hope you’ll watch the whole video to prepare for your next difficult conversation. Members, you can find it here. Not-yet-members, you can see it (and a lot more) by starting your free trial today!


Power Practice #20: Healing the Mother Wound

In this audio practice, Bethany leads us in an inner-bonding meditation to help us heal from some of the limiting messages that we’ve received over our lifetimes. Establish a connection of trust inside of yourself to truly soar in the outside world.

Play Power Practice #20 – Healing the Mother Wound:

Bethany Webster is a writer, transformational coach, international speaker and what you could call a midwife of the heart.

Her work is focused on helping women heal the “mother wound” so that they can step into their full feminine power and potential.

Her goal is to share with others that our wounds are not something to avoid or be ashamed of but powerful opportunities to step into our authentic truth.

She offers an online course, teaches workshops and a coaching program for women leaders who want to accelerate their impact and leadership.


Like what you hear? Why not join the Emerging Women community for 4 full days of carefully curated practices and inspiration for personal and professional development at Emerging Women Live, October 5-8, 2017 in Denver, CO. We’d love to connect with you there!

Power Practice #19: The Pleasure Principle

Emerging Women Power Practices help you embody the freshest ideas in personal and professional development. Get the guided audio practices right here – straight from our favorite thought leaders to you!

Today’s Power Practice comes from  Zoë Kors, the beloved writer, speaker, and coach committed to transforming the way we hold our sexuality—both individually and culturally—and to creating a compassionate, loving world through the cultivation of a sisterhood of wildly-expressed women.

Her article, “6 Ways to Have Radically Intimate Sex,” quickly went viral and is currently over 2 million views with 25,000 Facebook shares. Yowza! Guess there’s a lot of us out there ready to tap deeper into our feminine pleasure.

Do you ever label your pleasure as self-indulgent, shameful, or even sinful? It can be an easy trap to fall into in this culture that often promotes caretaking over personal pleasure for women. That’s why Zoë is here to guide us in reframing pleasure as a spiritual practice – – one that can lead to a more balanced, productive, and powerful life. Yes, please!

Play Power Practice #19 – The Pleasure Principle:

zoe_1.jpgZoë Kors is the former Senior Editor and Creative Director of LA Yoga Magazine and Origin Magazine. She is a frequent contributor to Elephant Journal, MindBodyGreen, and Aloha.com.

She is a certified Co-Active Coach with the prestigious Coaches Training Institute in San Rafael, CA, and has a thriving private practice. Zoë’s work reflects her extensive study of Tantra, Zen Buddhism, meditation, yoga, breathwork, and other Eastern disciplines, which she blends with more process-oriented modalities of Western psychotherapy and Co-Active Coaching.

Her online course, The Big Libido: Find Your Feminine Fire, and live retreats, The Big Libido Live, are designed to reignite your sex drive and cultivate a deeper experience of your sexuality.

Like what you hear? Why not join Zoë Kors and the Emerging Women community for 4 full days of carefully curated inspiration for personal and professional development at Emerging Women Live, October 5-8, 2017 in Denver, CO. We’d love to connect with you there!


Power Practice #18: Be Before Do

We all find ourselves off-kilter or off-center sometimes. And it can lead to self-sabotaging behaviors and default responses that we later regret. But what if we explored a different path?

Henna Inam brings her 20 years of executive coaching experience to identity the 5 step process that occurs when we are thrown off by a situation, and leads us in a guided practice to recover to our most authentic and adaptive selves when we are triggered.

Build your self-confidence, your courage, and your resilience in the face of criticism, insecurity, or fear with this transformative Power Practice from Henna Inam.

Play Power Practice #18 – Be Before Do:

Henna Inam is a sought after speaker, successful author, and CEO of Transformational Leadership Inc. Her unique workshops, tools, and online community help managers create innovative, engaged teams that drive measurable results.

Henna and her global partner team work with Fortune 500 companies to deliver executive coaching, leadership development, and team workshops. Clients include Coca-Cola, Google, Johnson & Johnson, Novartis, CNN, and Bank of America. Prior to starting her company, Henna worked for 20 years at Procter & Gamble and Novartis. She has lived or worked across North America, Europe, Asia, and Africa.

Like what you hear? Why not get in on four full days of power practices, movement, inspiration and collaboration at Emerging Women Live, October 5-8, 2017 in Denver, CO. Join us!

Power Practice #17: Boost Your Self Worth to Grow Your Net Worth

Is money a constant source of anxiety for you? Nancy Levin, Emerging Women Live speaker and author of Worthy: Boost Your Self Worth to Grow Your Net Worth, has a practice that should help.

The real key to creating financial freedom isn’t changing what we do, it’s changing our limiting beliefs about how we feel—and that requires more than just learning how to invest. Ready to give it a shot? Discover which beliefs may be inhibiting your sense of self worth, and unlock the potential to grow your net worth in the process.

Play Power Practice #17 – Boost Your Self Worth to Grow Your Net Worth:

Nancy LevinNancy Levin is the bestselling author of Worthy: Boost Your Self-Worth to Grow Your Net Worth, Jump … And Your Life Will Appear and Writing For My Life, She’s a Master Integrative Life Coach and the creator of the Jump Coaching and Worthy Coaching Programs, working with clients – privately and in groups – to live in alignment with their own truth and desires.

She was the Event Director at Hay House for 12 years and hosts her own weekly call-in radio show Jump Start Your Life on Hay House Radio, Thursdays at 8am PT/11am ET.

She is also Contributing Editor of Kristen Noel’s Best Self Magazine and one of the hosts of the Hay House World Summit each year since its inception.

Nancy received her Masters in Creative Writing and Poetics from Naropa University in Boulder, Colorado and she continues to live in the Rocky Mountains.

Like what you hear? Try Bari Tessler’s Power Practice #06: Crafting a Money Practice to go deeper into your money mojo:


Why not get in on four full days of power practices, movement, inspiration and collaboration at Emerging Women Live, October 5-8, 2017 in Denver, CO? Join us!

Power Practice #16: Stepping Up and Speaking Out

There’s one question Nan Crawford hears a lot: How do I walk on stage with confidence, and genuinely inspire and influence my audience?

In this Power Practice, Nan shares her tips for crafting a good strategy before your presentation or conversation so that you will authentically connect with your audience. She illustrates how simple shifts in focus can lead to a tremendous increase in confidence and connection. She also leads us through a breathing practice which releases the jagged energy that comes with high stakes presentations and conversations.

Take 10 minutes to reframe your relationship to public speaking, and let the power of your voice help you make an impact in this world.

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Play Power Practice #16 – Stepping Up and Speaking Out:

Nan CrawfordNan Crawford is on a mission to create a world where women and girls know their power. An expert in how to increase your influence, Nan coaches bold women leaders to step onto a bigger stage. Nan has helped clients secure Executive level promotions, craft funding pitches that have raised millions of dollars, write and deliver powerful presentations for boards of directors, TED, Clinton Global Initiative, The State Department, The White House and The Colbert Report. Clients include: Autodesk, Boeing, Deloitte, eBay, Kaiser Permanente, Google, Paramount, Target, Wells Fargo and World Pulse. She serves as Executive Education Faculty for Columbia, Harvard and UC Berkeley’s Graduate Schools of Business. A cum laude graduate of the University of Texas with a BFA in Theatre, Nan holds an MA from The California Institute of Integral Studies in Organization Development. Nan Crawford has been featured in Fast Company magazine and The New York Times calls her work “inspirational”.

Like what you hear? Why not get in on four full days of power practices, movement, inspiration and collaboration at Emerging Women Live, October 5-8, 2017 in Denver, CO. Join us!

Power Practice #15: Unhooking from Praise and Criticism

Feeling stuck? You’re not alone.

Many of us can vividly imagine the next phase of our lives, but are reluctant to take the leap until we’re “ready.” That’s why we love women’s business leadership expert and Emerging Women Live speaker Tara Mohr. Tara has made it her mission to dig into the underlying reasons we think we’re “not ready yet.” Much of it has to do, she says, with getting hooked on praise and criticism.

As we maneuver through our lives, we give a lot of credence to other people’s opinions. The business world is wrapped in layers and layers of feedback. And while feedback can be helpful, it can be debilitating if taken too personally.

Hit play to try Tara’s exercise in freeing yourself from praise and criticism to allow yourself to operate at your highest potential. Grab a pen and get ready to take that leap!

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Play Power Practice #15 – Unhooking from Praise and Criticism:

“Feedback can never tell you anything about yourself. It can only tell you about the person giving feedback.”

Tara Sophia Mohr is an expert on women’s leadership and well-being. She is the author of Playing Big: Find Your Voice, Your Mission, Your Message and creator of the acclaimed Playing Big leadership program for women, which now has more than 1000 graduates from around the world. Tara writes a popular blog on women’s careers and well-being at www.taramohr.com and has been featured on Today and in publications ranging from Huffington Post to Harvard Business Review to mariashriver.com. Tara received her MBA from Stanford University and her undergraduate degree in English literature from Yale. In 2010, Tara was named a Girl Champion by the Girl Effect organization, honoring her work on girls’ education in the developing world. She is also a poet, and the author of Your Other Names: Poems for Wise Living.

Like what you hear? Why not get in on four full days of power practices, movement, inspiration and collaboration at Emerging Women Live, October 5-8 in Denver, CO.

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Meet Karen May of Google: #EWlive14 Featured Speaker

Need an example of feminine leadership principles in action? Meet Karen May, Vice President of People Development at Google. Her job description is steeped in feminine values like connection, collaboration, and compassion:

“I work with leaders, teams, and companies to help them be their best. I provide one-on-one leadership coaching to help people learn and grow as leaders. I’m a thought partner through tough challenges. I facilitate teams and groups through strategic planning, problem-solving, and conflict situations. Additionally, I develop and deliver leadership development courses that are experiential and practical.”

Karen oversees a global team that supports more than 34,000 Googlers in more than 70 offices in over 40 countries.

Her team implements a broad range of developmental offerings, including executive coaching, new hire onboarding, leadership development, and peer-to-peer instruction for Googlers of all levels, regions, and tenure. That means Googlers lead classes for others Googlers on whatever they’re passionate about, including their extracurricular skills like kickboxing or meditation.

“It’s a remarkable thing to put someone in teaching mode,” May says. “In a way, you get to see the best of them.” And by providing learning experiences that meet not just their career needs but also their life interests, May creates an atmosphere where Googlers can bring their whole selves to work.

“It’s a remarkable thing to put someone in teaching mode. In a way, you get to see the best of them.”twitter

With more than 20 years of professional experience as an organizational psychologist and a leadership coach, Karen knows firsthand the importance of connection in a corporate setting. In a recent New York Times interview, she says, “Where I ended up helping people often was in relationships with others, and understanding the impact they have on the people around them, cultivating some empathy, learning to listen, learning to give other people the spotlight, learning to work collaboratively.” She adds, “It wasn’t usually from a lack of willingness to do those things, but they didn’t have a strong muscle.”

Watch Karen flex her listening muscle in this clip from her awesome conversation with spiritual teacher and author Eckhart Tolle at the 2014 Wisdom.2.0 Conference in San Francisco: