Finding Myself Outside of Motherhood or Infertility: The Wisdom of Self Compassion

I once believed that I was less of a woman because I was not a mother.

What are the birth defect rates?

What is the chance that the pregnancy will go to term but without a live birth?
What is the chance of having multiple births?
What is the success rate of Intra-cytoplasmic sperm injections (ICSI)?
These are the questions, I, matter-of-factly, posed to the doctor of reproductive fertility.

In the National Survey of Family Growth (2006-2010), the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention said that 1 in 8 couples (12.5%) have trouble getting pregnant or sustaining a pregnancy. In 2005, my husband Phil and I were one of those couples.

Phil and I, as many couples do, sought medical assistance. I daringly faced a rigorous schedule of subcutaneous hormone injections, antibiotics and birth control pills to stimulate and restrict the necessary pregnancy hormones. I endured numerous ultrasounds and blood drawings to monitor the levels. I experienced mood swings that were pretty unsettling and stressful. Phil and I went through uncomfortable procedures for fertility tests and egg retrieval.

After a single cycle of the procedure, the doctor advised us against trying the procedure again — because the probability of success was zero. My questions at the beginning of the process seemed in vain. I felt deflated.

The hard-coding of thoughts begins when we are children

Growing up in the city of Chennai on the southeastern coast of India, I was the youngest of three girls in a Catholic family. As a little girl, a path had been set for me — like many Indian girls growing up in the 70’s and 80’s, finishing school, getting married and having a family were obvious next steps… just as obvious as breathing.

I believed that having children was guaranteed. And in fact, I had an attachment to this idea — it was as if my self-worth was tied to this… as if my value to society rested on my ability to birth a child.

But with one statement from a doctor back in 2005, that surety was ripped out of my hands. It felt like someone punched me in the stomach without any warning. And I was terrified about losing the one thing I thought would allow me to be myself — that would allow me to shine.

Social stigma and personal beliefs are equally stifling.

Every time I received an invite to a baby shower, I cringed. I sincerely wanted to celebrate my friends and so I endured it quietly. Inside, I was screaming to be free. To be free of feeling left out, to be free of the feeling that I somehow didn’t count, to be free of the feeling that I would never be able to truly empathize with someone giving birth. I avoided seeing commercials on TV about babies. I disengaged if I heard someone say that only a parent would understand.

Talking about this wasn’t an option. I worked in the male-dominated engineering world, and there was no room for me to let my guard down — I had to stay tough. Not realizing that I was experiencing a loss, I didn’t really think seeking guidance or counseling was necessary. Besides, socially, I felt it made people uncomfortable — and so, I began to believe I just needed to “suck it up” and stop what I was feeling.

Family and friends were supportive, in ways that I allowed them. I remember one friend in particular. She told me that my feelings reminded her of what parents feel when their kids leave home for the first time; that empty nest feeling of sadness. This somehow encouraged me to feel less alone. It opened a little window for me to explore this differently. My father had been a lifelong meditator and so I began to explore meditation.

Begin exploring how to re-write your code.

I would sit in silence, allowing the anger to pulse through my body, allowing the tears to flow down my face, releasing grief, loss and pain. I was guided by teachers to wonder about the questions that surfaced during meditation. The one question that repeatedly surfaced was this: who am I?

Ready to experience your life outside of others’ praise or criticism?

Was I a wife? Surely if I was only a wife, then how could I explain all these other roles I had. Or how could I explain everything I felt or thought about? So, if I wasn’t a wife, then who was I? Was I an engineer or a senior leader of the management team? Surely I was more than that. So, then who was I? Was I a reflection of my bank account? That didn’t make sense to me. So then who was I? Was I a mother? The answer was a resounding no. So then who was I? You get the idea.

My discovery in these moments of stillness was that there was somebody making all these observations. Somebody that realized I still had value, even though I wasn’t a mother. Somebody that loved me even though I couldn’t play the one role that nature intended for me. Somebody that showed me compassion in the truest sense possible. Somebody who could give me the positive affirmation I needed. Somebody who understood that I was hurting. Somebody that realized that what I was not, was not who I was. This somebody was me. This was the beginning of the answer to my question of who I was.

This realization encouraged me to dig deeper. I started to challenge the notion that motherhood was the only path — as if being childless makes one’s life meaningless. I allowed myself to feel the sadness and the anger and loss — it was my right. Frequently I repeated to myself all the things I was not — to get closer to who I was. I started practicing action with clarity and conviction while staying detached from outcome. In meditation I created space for the knowledge of who I was to emerge — it could only happen in that space of stillness and silence.

Get started right now with this free download – a powerful guided meditation on self compassion. 

What you are is not who you are.As a woman leader, if you find yourself at odds with your beliefs or social stigmas, like I did, I encourage you to:

  • Practice first and foremost, self compassion, self acceptance, and self love.
  • Challenge the notion of a “normal” or “standard” path to solutions, goals, or life.
  • Gently ask yourself if you show up in life as more than the roles you play.
  • Practice decision-making with conviction and clarity while staying detached to outcome.
  • Explore your relationship with being uncomfortable… your relationship with discomfort.

I learned what I was not… but that does not stop me from being who I am.

Rita Devassy
About the Author
Rita Devassy, the founder and CEO of Deva Seed, brings leadership experience from the tough corporate world of tech. Conforming in a male-dominated culture left her personally depleted, but then called to bring mindfulness back to the corporate space. Now, she builds up business leaders who believe that self-inquiry, generosity and compassion are required hallmarks of an effective, successful leader.

Rita holds degrees in Business Management and  Computer and Information Science along with a certificate in Authentic Leadership from Naropa University and is on the faculty for The Foundations program at the Authentic Leadership Center.She lives with her  husband and their miniature pinscher dogs, Oliver and Oscar.  She meditates often, can’t parallel park to save her life, and seeks the American culture she missed in her childhood vicariously through re-runs of The Brady Bunch and Leave it To Beaver.

Power Practice #13: Motivating with Self-Compassion

Kristin Neff Motivating with Self Compassion
Do you rely on self-criticism to get you moving?

This written exercise from self-compassion expert Dr. Kristen Neff is designed to help you shift your motivational focus from self-criticism to the more energizing benefits of self-compassion.

Press play to get in touch with what your inner critic might be trying to accomplish for you, and then let Kristen guide you towards meeting that same need with a kinder, more compassionate voice. Hands on hearts, people – self-compassion is the way through!

Play Power Practice #13 – Motivating with Self-Compassion:

kristin neff During Kristin’s last year of graduate school in 1997 she became interested in Buddhism, and has been practicing meditation in the Insight Meditation tradition ever since. While doing her post-doctoral work she decided to conduct research on self-compassion – a central construct in Buddhist psychology and one that had not yet been examined empirically.

In addition to her pioneering research into self-compassion, she has developed an 8-week program to teach self-compassion skills. The program, co-created with her colleague Chris Germer, affiliated with Harvard Medical School, is called Mindful Self-Compassion. Her book, Self-Compassion, was published by William Morrow in April, 2011.

Check out our Emerging Women podcast with Dr. Kristen Neff to hear more:

Mother’s Day Mind Shift – #emergingnow

Dear Emerging Women,

On May Day – the 1st of May – I experienced three miracles in my life. Ready?

Image from Crossroads by Jenna Greene

Miracle #1 – I am on time for a school function.

It’s exactly 11am on May 1st, and I am miraculously on time for the Maypole Celebration at my sons’ school. I stand in an empty field by the maypole, simply looking around and feeling a teensy bit proud of myself for being the first to arrive. Nobody is there – just the orchestra tuning up. Far from worried, I’m smiling and happy – I love it when other people are late! I figure “Hey, this is a Waldorf School. Everything in it’s own time.” And man does it feel good to just….. wait.

Fifteen minutes later I am clutching my bag, hobble-running in heels to the opposite-side-of-campus courtyard where the assembly is actually located and well under way.

I burst through the audience with panic in my eyes and stress on my face, frantically searching the student body to find my eldest son’s class, convinced I’ve missed his performance. And in the single, solitary minute it takes for me to reach the courtyard, a billion thoughts bombard my brain:

“Slacker!! Where is your focus, your diligence? How could you just sit there for 15 minutes with NO curiosity of whether or not you are in the right place? Why didn’t you read a single one of the bazillion emails the school sent out about this? Your kids are growing up and you don’t even know what’s happening to them! You are the ONLY parent who got it wrong – what the hell? Look how beautiful and calm all of the other moms are – you’re a mess! This is going to be hard on the boys, they are going to be SO disappointed…”

Miracle #2:  I remembered.

After a short teacher’s skit on the story of Spring, we walked in procession (back) to the field with the maypole where I had been patiently “waiting” before. I was as distraught from the run as I was from the inner-bullying going on in my head.

And then I remembered my practice of self-compassion.

I remembered! I sent loving words of encouragement and tenderness to my inner world, directly to my heart, and just like that – boom. I jumped off the hamster wheel of guilt and self-criticism and into an ocean of love, acceptance and peace with myself.

Miracle #3:  I was tested, and I didn’t die.

“You were late,” said my eldest after the event. I had disappointed him – he’s very into punctuality (oh, the karma of it all). I know he feels safe when I am holding him in my consciousness. I know that being on time is a reflection of that.

I know these things and I am bracing myself as I put on my inner running shoes to get back on that hamster wheel of shame…

But I don’t. Somehow I find the strength to say simply, “I am sorry, baby – but I saw the whole thing and you were great!” And I continue to swim in the ocean and I continue to practice, in the moment, looking into my son’s eyes. And I survive.

He gives me a big hug, we laugh, and we are out on the other side. As I write this now, I think of these words, and send them to all mothers and daughters this Mother’s Day:

“Yes, Mother. I can see you are flawed. You have not hidden it. That is your greatest gift to me. ~ Alice Walker”

Big Love,

Chantal Pierrat

Founder, Emerging Women

 More from Emerging Women this week:

/a>

Power Practice #11: Manage Your Stress In Any Situation with Erin Olivo

ew-live-2015-slider

Early Bird Tickets available for EW Live 2015 in San Francisco!

Maypole Image from Crossroads by Jenna Greene

The Best Valentine You Can Give, AND Receive

Dear loved ones,

It’s the week of love here at our household. Making valentines, planning a date with my husband, figuring out the candy limit for the kiddos – we’re all about it. Sure, as a culture we seem to have made every holiday about consuming more, and I don’t need to stuff my body full of chocolate hearts to feel the love (although it helps!). But there is something beautiful about all of the messaging we’re inundated with this week. Be mine, love you, be true, you’re all I need.

Here is my challenge to you, emerging women: let’s put ourselves on the other end of all of these loving messages. It seems like a simple change in perspective, but I find this to be one of the hardest things to do. Buddhist author Tara Brach calls turning love inwards like this “radical self-compassion.” I love that expression, though I feel like it’s almost redundant, because in my experience self-compassion is the most radical action we can take in the world.

“Self-compassion is the most radical action we can take in the world.”

As I have felt my way through big challenges like motherhood, marriage, career and now entrepreneurship, I see that I can sometimes fall into the trap of trying to manage my difficult emotions by beating myself up. I think, “I will give myself the ass-kicking that I need to really get off the couch – for once – and make real change in my life.”

Well, I don’t know about you, but for me this approach sucks. What has worshipping your unworthiness done for you lately? Nada. I love this painfully obvious yet game-changing reminder from Tara: “Imperfection is not our personal problem – it is a natural part of existing.” Right?!

“Imperfection is not our personal problem – it is a natural part of existing.”

And according to the research Kelly McGonigal presents in her book The Willpower Instinct, self-compassion is the shortest route to making long-lasting change of any kind in your life. It’s the mother of all New Year’s resolutions! And so I made self-compassion my only goal for 2015 – and maybe the next decade.

Like anything transformational, self-compassion and self-love only come alive through practice. HERE is my simple approach to this powerful practice – culled from the amazing Self-Compassion authors I have mentioned in this post already. Check out these 4 Steps to Radical Self-Compassion, and let the self-love-a-thon begin this Valentine’s.

This goes deep, friends, and the mind’s instinct toward blame and shame is powerful. You have to hit these practices hard, and don’t let up. Get those hands on your heart 50 times a day if you need it. It will be the best valentine you have ever given, or received.

BIG Self-Love,

Chantal Pierrat

Founder, Emerging Women

4 Steps to Radical Self-Compassion

Like anything transformational, self-compassion only comes alive through practice. Here is my simple approach to this powerful practice – culled from the amazing self-compassion authors Tara Brach, Kristin Neff and Kelly McGonigal, plus bits and pieces from a lot of EWLive speakers who know their self-compassion stuff.

Step 1:  Do a body scan.

Take 5 minutes in the morning and evening to sit quietly, close your eyes and simply breathe. As I breathe, I notice my body and take inventory of places that feel contracted or even painful. And I just sit there, noticing and breathing until something miraculous happens – those places loosen up and I start to feel a tenderness toward myself.

Step 2: Feel the pain, feel the love.

Yes, this happens. Just like when you see a child skin her knee, and you instantly feel compassion toward her and want her to feel better. When we discover pain in our bodies and we simply recognize it, our human instinct for compassion sets in and BOOM – we start to send loving thoughts. If you want to kick it up a notch, physically and gently place your hand on the places of contraction in your body – it will feel… lovely.

Step 3: Hands on the heart.

This is Kristin Neff’s most powerful technique for instant relief if you are trapped in a cycle of worshipping your unworthiness. Put your hands on your heart – that’s it! Kristin’s version is more elaborate – but I am usually tight on time, and just this simple gesture can turn everything around in an instant.

Step 4: Recognize the change.

Perhaps the most important part of my practice is to witness, feel and record the outcomes from this practice. Recognizing the positive change that ensues when we are tender and forgiving with ourselves will reinforce the practice, and soon our impulse to worship our unworthiness will be replaced by an impulse of self-compassion. Rad.

Remember, the mind’s instinct to blame and shame is powerful, so you have to hit these practices hard one hard. I’m serious – hands on the heart 50 times a day if you need it. It will be the best valentine you have ever given, or received.

Share Your Self-Compassion Practices with the tribe in the comments below. We’d love to hear from you!

Power Practice #10: The Feminine Superpower of Receiving

Do you occasionally find yourself overworked, overwhelmed or just plain over it?

Choosing to make sure that you get what you need on all levels – physically, spiritually, emotionally and mentally – is crucial to a satisfying and self-caring life.

Today, self-love guru Christine Arylo shares with us a superpower practice for receiving that she relies on daily. Less than three minutes each morning can help you retain your energy so that you stop getting sick, stop giving away your energy reserves and start living a more joyful and open life.

We hope you enjoy this transformational three step process for starting your day in a open way, listening to your energy levels and finding self-care anchor points to carry with you during the day.

Play the Power Practice:

Christine Arylo, inspirational catalyst, best-selling author and spiritual advocate, is on a mission to create a new reality for women and girls, one based on true feminine power, freedom and self-love instead of the relentless pursuit and unsustainable pressure of having to do, be and have it all. She’s written two best-selling books, Choosing ME before WE and Madly in Love With Me, The Daring Adventure to Becoming Your Own Best Friend, with a third on the way, based on her breakthrough program Inner Mean Girl Reform School which has helped over 23,000 women on 6 continents transform their inner critics. Her opinions and transformational techniques have been featured on CBS, ABC, FOX, WGN, E!, in the Huffington Post, and on radio shows, spas, conferences and stages around the world, including TEDx. She usually lives in Northern California with her partner, Noah, but in 2013 they sold their house to live their dream of living, working and speaking and teaching from anywhere in the world… true freedom, power and love!

Like what you’re hearing? Dive deeper with Christine Arylo and Kristine Carlson in the Emerging Women podcast “The Power of Receiving.”

Christine Arylo and Kristine Carlson

Juicy Bites: The Power of Choosing Your Words Wisely

“Watch your thoughts; they become words. Watch your words; they become actions. Watch your actions, they become habits. Watch your habits, they become character. Watch your character; it becomes your destiny.” ~ Lao-Tze

 

This week in Juicy Bites, we discover:

 

  • The case for getting creative when meeting women and girls
  • A writer who won’t change her words for the patriarchy
  • 3 language habits that take power away from our words, according to Tara Sophia Mohr
  • The importance of bringing awareness to self-talk
  • A visual aid to make sure your body language backs up the power of your words

 
At the end of this post, we encourage you to join us for a conversation. This week’s Juicy Bites question for you, dear emerging women, is:


 

1. How to Talk to a Woman Without Saying, “Great Boots”: A Guide for Women via Slate

 

When meeting women or girls for the first time, what are you likely to ask them? The easy go-to is often a compliment about their appearance. We women have great style, it’s true, but there’s a lot more substance to us than our spectacular shoes. This article invites us to get creative when striking up conversations with our fellow females, and outlines why it’s so important to make the effort.
 

[‘Great boots!’] is a scourge not just because of what it says to girls about what we value about them, but also because girls absorb this mode of interaction and use it for the rest of their lives.”

 
Continue Reading …


2. I Am, I Am, I Am: Writing While Black and Female via The Toast

 
Has anyone ever suggested that you water down your words in order to appear more marketable or to appeal to a larger (younger, whiter, etc.) audience? Writer Vanessa Willoughby takes inspiration from bell hooks and refuses to write small.

 

“Why should I back down? Why should I be made to feel ashamed for pursuing a writer’s life that speaks to my experiences?”

 

Continue Reading…
 


3. Communication mistakes with big impact via Tara Sophia Mohr

 
Tara Sophia Mohr, expert on women’s leadership and well-being, identifies common communication mistakes that keep women from “playing big.” She also offers insight into the motivations behind these mistakes and suggests new, stronger language habits we can form instead.

“Our words are our opportunity. That opportunity is bigger than ever before because women are more literate than ever before and have access to technology — from laptops to email — that amplify our communication.”

Continue Reading…


4.  From Stupid to Silly with Self-Love via Huff Post Women

 
It’s not only the words we say that have power, but also the words we think. Self-love advocate Dayelle Deanna Schwartz addresses the problem of negative self-talk and the power of a simple word substitution to shift our self-perception.

 

“While this incident didn’t stop my habit of immediately berating myself for a mistake, it did raise my consciousness to begin a new habit — using gentler words when I did something I didn’t like.”

 

Continue Reading…


5. 10 Body Language Tips Every Speaker Must Know (Infographic) via Entrepreneur.com

 
We’ve touched on the language of our speech, writing, and thoughts, but what about the language of our bodies? If actions speak louder than words, we might all want to take a look at this infographic to make sure we’re sending the signals we’re intending.

 

“Your words may give the audience one message while your body sends quite another.”

 

Continue Reading…

 

We are excited to start a conversation and learn more from YOU, dear emerging women. Please join in with a comment below:

Power Practice #01: The Self-Compassion Break

These guided audio practices are designed to support, inspire, and coach us through an integrated approach to success, creativity, and business.

Our goal is to provide useful, practical methods and tools that will help you in the process of emerging. We invite you to find the courage you need to take your work to the next level. Start creating a fully aligned life by celebrating your feminine powers.

In this first Power Practice, Kristin Neff teaches us the simple yet powerful “Self-Compassion Break.” In just 7 minutes, you’ll learn how to be kind to yourself in stressful, painful situations.

Play the Power Practice:

Kristin Neff, PhD, received her doctorate in Human Development from the University of California at Berkeley in 1997.  She is currently an Associate Professor of Human Development and Culture at the University of Texas at Austin. She is the world’s leading expert on self-compassion. In addition to authoring numerous academic articles on self-compassion, she has written a  book titled Self-Compassion, released by William Morrow in 2011.

“The Self-Compassion Break” is one of the most effective exercises that Kristen teaches in her Mindful Self-Compassion program. This practice is “very portable and can be be used in daily life whenever you encounter difficult moments,” says Kristin.

For more on self-compassion, how it differs from self-esteem, and how it can take us from recognition to action, tune in to our Emerging Women podcast “The Real Meaning of Self-Compassion” with Kristin Neff.

Juicy Bites: Mindfulness, Compassion and Other Great Holiday Gifts

This week in Juicy Bites we learn:

 

  • How to reduce stress with mindfulness
  • How to prioritize what we really want
  • How to be kind to ourselves in times of stress
  • How to give to others this holiday season
  • How to slow down and be present, not perfect

 
At the end of this post, we encourage you to join us for a conversation. This week’s Juicy Bites question for you, dear emerging women, is:

1. “Be” home for the holidays via Mindful

Jeffrey Brantley, MD, is the founder and director of the mindfulness-based stress reduction program at Duke University’s Center for Integrative Medicine. In this article, Brantley highlights the importance of “being” over “doing,” and shares a quick exercise to help cultivate mindful connection.

“Above all, have kindness and compassion (a little ‘holiday spirit’) for yourself.” – Jeffrey Brantley

Continue Reading …

2. How to prioritize what truly matters via Kris Carr

Kris Carr admits, “If I’m not careful, I can easily regress into a people-pleasing ‘yes’ pez dispenser, who periodically loses her mind and agrees to everything–especially around the holidays!” In this post, Carr shares some tips for prioritizing balance and self-care this season.

“When it comes to shiny objects, people are like barracuda. We get mesmerized by the sparkly, swirly stuff.” -Kris Carr

Continue Reading…

3. 25 Women Writers Share Their Best Self-Compassion Tips via Psychology Today

Are you hard on yourself during the holiday season? These bite-sized reflections on self-compassion from women writers may give you the tools needed to choose self-kindness in a time of stress.

“No one knows our hurts the way we do. We are the sages of our soft spots and our edges. Self-compassion is showing up to that relationship with honesty and with love.” – Jamie Ridler

Continue Reading…

4. Kid President’s Holiday Gift Guide: The Perfect Gift Is Something That Makes The World Better via Mind Body Green

In this video, Kid President challenges us to think outside the gift-box when it comes to holiday presents. “Giving gifts can change the world,” he says, “especially when they are full of love.” Watch for hilarious and heartwarming gift ideas, and some important advice about bear hugs.

“The truth is, most people don’t need stuff, they need to know somebody cares.” -Kid President

Continue Reading…

5.  Stop the Madness: Choose Mindfulness Over Perfection This Holiday Season via Gaiam Life

Last week, we talked about perfectionism as the enemy of creativity. This week we look at how perfectionism isn’t doing your holidays any favors either. Yoganonymous advises us to slow down and practice voluntary simplicity instead of fueling the seasonal stress.

“I challenge you to move instead toward complete present-moment awareness — and away from the illusion of putting together the perfect party.” – Yoganonymous

Continue Reading…

 

We are excited to start a conversation and learn more from YOU, dear emerging women. Please leave a comment below:

Juicy Bites: Women Heroines in Literature and Film

This week we find out:

  • Literature’s most beloved women heroines
  • Who is the first female Saudi Arabian filmmaker
  • What are 3 communication mistakes that you can easily avoid
  • The real meaning of self-compassion and how it differs from self-esteem
  • Messy or tidy — which is better for creativity?

 

At the end of this post, we encourage you to join us for a conversation. This week’s Juicy Bites question for you, dear emerging women, is:

1. Well-Read Women: Gorgeous Watercolor Portraits of Literature’s Most Beloved Heroines via Brain Pickings

 

The New-York-based painter and fashion illustrator Samantha Hahn is celebrating women in fiction. This book is a fascinating collection of expressive watercolor depictions paired with a memorable quote, of such literary icons as Jane Eyre, Anna Karenina, Holly Golightly, and Clarissa Dalloway.

JANE EYRE 'Jane Eyre' by Charlotte Brontë
JANE EYRE ‘Jane Eyre’ by Charlotte Brontë

Continue Reading…

2. Meet Haifaa Al Mansour, the first female Saudi Arabian filmmaker via Interview Magazine

 

This is quite impressive. Al Mansour’s first feature film called Wadjda, is the first movie to be filmed entirely in Saudi Arabia, and Al Mansour is the first female Saudi Arabian filmmaker.

“There are opportunities for women now, and you have to be able to stand up for yourself, for what you believe in. And the culture is opening up and there are pockets, windows for women. But a lot of women are shy to take them because the culture will not accept women working in a mixed environment; they don’t want women to travel alone and study abroad. It may compromise women getting married quickly. It is very much like America in the 1940s, but it is more [conservative]; women have to be completely covered.” — Haifaa Al Mansour

Continue Reading…

 

3. Three communication mistakes with big impact via Tara Sophia Mohr-Wise Living

 

Tara shares with us a super easy way we can play big this year. Learn how to avoid 3 common communication mistakes, and how to build your voice to be  strong, determined,  non-apologetic.

“Our words are our opportunity. That opportunity is bigger than ever before because women are more literate than ever before and have access to technology — from laptops to email — that amplify our communication.”

*Tara Sophia Mohr will be a featured presenter at the 2013 Emerging Women Live Conference, October 10th-13th in Boulder, CO.

Continue Reading…

 

4. Kristin Neff — The Real Meaning of Self-Compassion via Grace & Fire Podcast

 

This episode’s guest is the inspiring Kristin Neff. Kristin is a professor of human development and culture at the University of Texas, Austin, and she has practiced Buddhist Meditation since 1997. In addition to authoring numerous academic articles on self-compassion, she has written a new book titled “Self-Compassion,” released by William Morrow in 2011.

In this episode, Kristin Neff and the host of Grace & Fire, Chantal Pierrat spoke about:

 

  • The real meaning of Self-Compassion and how it differs from Self-Esteem,
  • The masculine and feminine aspects of mindfulness and self-compassion,
  • The researched results of self-compassion and what the findings mean for leaders, and women leaders in particular,
  • How self-compassion takes us from recognition, to action, and the power creating a practice of self care and love,
  • And finally, Kristen offers sage advice for those women on the precipice of their own emergence.

 

Kristin Neff will be a featured presenter at the 2013 Emerging Women Live Conference, October 10th-13th in Boulder, CO.

Listen here…

 

5. It’s Not ‘Mess.’ It’s Creativity. via New York Times

 

Olimpia Zagnoli
Olimpia Zagnoli

MESSY or tidy — which is better?

Historically, the evidence has favored the tidy spaces. But then the obvious question surfaces: “If messiness is so bad, why do so many people tolerate, and even embrace, it?”

Kathleen D. Vohs, from Carlson School of Management, University of Minnesota, with two of her colleagues, conducted an interesting experiment and came to the conclusion that physical order produces healthy choices, generosity, and conventionality, whereas disorder produces creativity.
Here are a few of their predictions that led to their experiment:

“Since tidiness has been associated with upholding societal standards, we predicted that just being around tidiness would elicit a desire for convention. We also predicted the opposite: that being around messiness would lead people away from convention, in favor of new directions.” — Kathleen D. Vohs

Continue Reading…


We are excited to start a conversation and learn more from YOU, dear emerging women. Leave a comment below:


Emerging Women Live is for women entrepreneurs and creatives who share a vision to change the world by living the truth of who they are. These are women who are burning with desire to to fully express themselves through the work they do, while promoting a new paradigm of success that leverages the incredible power of the feminine: collaboration, community, intuition, receptivity, sensuality and heart. Join us!

Juicy Bites This Week – Accepting The Truth of Who You Are

This week we find out:

  • Fascinating research that points out the achievements and challenges women face in the workplace
  • Alanis Morissette’s advice for women who are on the precipice of their own Emergence
  • Women’s barriers to becoming leaders, and candidates for senior positions
  • The inspiration behind Emerging Women
  • How self-compassion can help us accept the truth of who we are

At the end of this post, we encourage you to join us for a conversation. This week’s Juicy Bites question for you, dear emerging women, is:

What allows you to accept the truth of who you are?

1. Women in the Workplace: A Research Roundup via Harvard Business Review

This article explores recent research by business, psychology, and sociology scholars that offers a window into women’s collective experiences in the workplace, bringing light to issues such as:

  • Work/Life Balance
  • Equal Pay
  • Leadership Qualities

Continue reading…

2. Alanis Morissette – Creative Intimacy and the Merging of Yin and Yang via Grace & Fire

Emerging Women is happy to announce the launch of our podcast series: Grace & Fire.

Our first podcast features the amazing powerhouse Alanis Morissette as she talks about:

  • Vulnerability
  • Strength with Femininity and balancing the Yin/Yang or Masculine and Feminine essence
  • The effect of success on the creative process
  • How anger can actually build intimacy in relationship
  • And finally, Alanis gives her one piece of advice for women who are on the precipice of their own Emergence.

Alanis is a keynote speaker at the 2013 Emerging Women Live Conference, October 10th-13th in Boulder, CO.

Listen to the podcast HERE

3. Women Rising: The Unseen Barriers via Harvard Business Review

We are seeing more and more companies make gender diversity a priority. Despite the good intentions of their employers, women still face hurdles to becoming leaders and candidates for senior positions.

“Becoming a leader involves much more than being put in a leadership role, acquiring new skills, and adapting one’s style to the requirements of that role. It involves a fundamental identity shift. Organizations inadvertently undermine this process when they advise women to proactively seek leadership roles without also addressing policies and practices that communicate a mismatch between how women are seen and the qualities and experiences people tend to associate with leaders.”

Continue Reading…

4. LeapCast Podcast Episode #3 – Chantal Pierrat via LeapCast

c9e7bc0c9479818faa403b40589ccfc1

Check out this podcast series from LeapCast – a catalytic community for passion-seeking women.

Tune in to learn what inspired Chantal to start Emerging Women Live, the fears that surfaced as she was launching, and how she pushed past them.

Listen to the podcast HERE

5. Embracing Our Common Humanity With Self-Compassion via Huff Post Healthy Living

Kristin Neff talks about the importance of self-compassion and being in touch with our common humanity, and how that allows us to be more understanding and less judgmental about our inadequacies, and more aligned with the truth of who we are. Recognizing that we are not alone in our suffering, and that failure and imperfection is inevitable we are able to be acceptant of ourselves and less intimidated by our mistakes.

“One of the most important elements of self-compassion is the recognition of our shared humanity. Compassion is, by definition, relational. Compassion literally means “to suffer with,” which implies a basic mutuality in the experience of suffering. The emotion of compassion springs from the recognition that the human experience is imperfect, that we are all fallible.”

Kristin Neff is a speaker at the 2013 Emerging Women Live Conference, October 10th-13th in Boulder, CO.

This week’s Juicy Bites question for you, dear emerging women is:

What allows you to accept the truth of who you are?

Let’s start a conversation. We would love to hear from you! Leave a comment below.