difficult conversations Archives

There is one question that guides all of the work that Wokie Nwabueze does.

What does each woman need to do or reclaim in order to be able to speak with power and authority?

We all know the tide is turning in favor of women speaking up in difficult conversations. But just knowing there’s a movement isn’t enough to prepare us to actually have those difficult conversations.

Lucky for us, Wokie is here to help.

Mindset

In Wokie’s most recent Emerging Women Power Boost, she notes that it’s easy to lose integrity with yourself before you even walk into a difficult conversation.

To effectively advocate for yourself, you have to decide that you are in your authority, and that you’re comfortable with that. You have to inject yourself in a way that is powerful.

In Wokie’s words, you have to roll out your ideas like Rihanna on the red carpet. You must demand to be seen and heard so that you can overcome that barrier of invisibility women leaders are so often up against.

Phases of Constructive Dialogue

Once you’re feeling full-on Rihanna about yourself, you can further prepare by running through Wokie’s 5 Phases of Constructive Dialogue. To hear Wokie go into more detail about each point, watch the replay of her Power Boost HERE.

1. Planning
Get clear on your needs. Be deeply honest with yourself. When you can articulate exactly what you need and why, you’re much more likely to bring keep a conversation on track and bring the conflict to a satisfactory resolution.

2. Outline of Issue
Explore how you can present the issue in a nonjudgemental, objective way. Try attaching the needs you’ve identified directly to the issue at hand.

Say your partner leaves wet towels on the floor and it drives you nuts. Telling them, “I need to know you respect our shared space,” can lead to an infinitely more productive outcome than “You’re such a slob! You drive me nuts!”

3. Dialogue/Discovery
Now it’s time for connected conversation. Talk, listen, and ask questions. Find a way to recognize each other’s humanity through it all. As Wokie says, “Empathy is the holy grail of all communication.”

In the towel example, you might ask, “What does respect of space mean to you?” Be ready to listen openly to an honest response.

4. Value Exchange
Don’t forget, there’s a person who has their own needs and fears on the other side of this conversation. What might you offer to exchange with them so that both parties can come out with a win?

It’s also important to check in with yourself to see whether you are rushing to make everyone comfortable instead of focusing on your needs. Planning with Wokie’s 5 Phases will make you much less likely to do this.

5. Agreement/Next Steps
If the mere mention of conflict gives you the shivers, remember that conflict is simply the meeting of two different views or needs. All conflict offers the possibility of change and positive resolution!

What If You’re Getting Derailed?

Even with a lot of good planning in place, conversations can get derailed.

Wokie outlines the most common things that send us off track, and shares her methods for getting back on course later in her Power Boost. If you want to hear more about that, you can watch the replay HERE.

These tips are especially helpful if you’re feeling overwhelmed, if the conversation is going on too long, or if you’re accused of being too emotional.

The Power Boost ends, as always, with an eye-opening Q&A from the viewers. We hope you’ll watch the whole video to prepare for your next difficult conversation. Members, you can find it here. Not-yet-members, you can see it (and a lot more) by starting your free trial today!

Each month we interview an Emerging Women member to deepen our connections and possibilities for collaboration with the conscious leaders living the truth of who they are. It’s the Emerging Women way!

This month we interview Sage Hobbs, a women’s empowerment and leadership coach, speaker, author of Naked Communication: Courageously Create the Relationships You Really Want, and host of The Naked Conversations Podcast.

Sage rocked the Sister Stage at Emerging Women Live so hard that we invited her to lead February’s Power Boost on Naked Communication. Here’s your chance to get a peek at what makes her tick… Enjoy!

Who are the most influential women in your life? Why?

There are so many women who have touched my life in profound ways, from those I’ve never actually met to the ones I call when I need support and encouragement. I’m way into the value of deep female relationships that are real and honest.

I’d name Audre Lorde for her message that has guided me for years: “When I dare to be powerful, to use my strength in the service of my vision, then it becomes less and less important whether I am afraid.” It’s a battle cry to be courageous and to pursue our meaningful work, even with the fear that may show up along the way (which it usually does for me!).

And my mom, for her unwavering support of my big, driven spirit, from my childhood through to today. She always has my back, nudges me along when I feel doubtful, and is a total stand for women making a difference in the world on their own terms.

What’s your biggest struggle or challenge? How does it shape you?

My biggest struggle as a woman is the ever-elusive idea of “balance.” I’m constantly juggling my desire to go big with my work and my desire to be present as a mom and partner.

I’m naturally ambitious and service driven. I get super fired-up about amplifying women’s voices, supporting them in creating amazing relationships, and reconnecting with themselves (and how freakin’ powerful they are). I also really recognize that time is fleeting, that our relationships are the foundation of our happiness, and I want to always pay attention to those I love most. I had cancer when I was 23, and it made a lasting imprint about living life to the fullest.

It’s a dance between all my passions, and that’s the biggest challenge I have as a woman today… wanting to “do it all” and do it really well. There are other systemic challenges, of course, like speaking up and being heard in a “man’s world.” But the one I feel most acutely on the day-to-day is wanting to fill all the roles I play effectively.
Tell us more about your work and how it supports women.

Beyond my individual client work, I host a podcast (Naked Conversations) where I interview women who are courageously following unconventional paths to lead lives of their own design and make a difference in their communities. I love having the opportunity to share women’s stories and amplify their voices.

I recently had the chance to speak on the Emerging Women Live Sister Stage, where I talked about how to finally get comfortable being “naked,” to stop pretending that we have it all figured out, to really be ourselves and connect with each other in real and powerful ways. Whenever I can speak to a group of women and see them reconnect with that spark inside themselves, it is the most invigorating and moving experience. In those moments, I know that there is hope for a future where women support each other fully and lead courageously.

What are you known for?

I’m known for my bold, insightful, and dynamic approach to communication, relationships, and personal growth. I’m known for my work on “naked” communication and how to have better relationships and reconnect with our personal power. I’m also known for being outspoken, dropping some F bombs, being the best person to share good news with (I’m super enthusiastic), and always the first one on the dance floor. And I looooove the beach and Italian hoagies (in Philly only).

What topics are difficult for you to discuss and why? (Love, power, money, race, etc.)

I’m pretty comfortable with difficult conversations. Even if they make my heart race or palms sweat, I’m willing to have them. In fact, I really believe it’s in those conversations that deeper human connection happens. However, lately politics have been harder for me to discuss, as there are such strong and divisive opinions.

Five years from now what does your ideal career/family/social situation look like?

I’m a philanthropist on a bigger scale, traveling globally with my family while running a purpose-driven business that empowers girls and women to live the most powerful version of their lives.

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