Adventure: The Gift of Not Knowing

Adventure is when you don’t know what is going to happen next. Life is uncertain, full of surprises, and we never know what’s around the corner.
So, life is one big adventure, right?

Why does it not feel like that all the time?
Why do we sometimes feel that our daily lives are packed with monotonous “to do” lists, obligations, “the same old, same old,” and not enough play? 

And those “adventure-like” surprises aren’t always what we want, are they?

I put pressure on myself quite often and forget to just enjoy the daily ride of life and it’s natural vicissitudes. I have frequently struggled balancing adventure and play with growing up and being responsible (my mother’s voice in my head, telling me to “get a real job”).

I began working in the outdoor leadership and experiential education space twenty-three years ago. While my family didn’t understand the life-changing work I was doing (with individuals and groups from sexual assault and military trauma survivors to senior management and VP’s of Fortune 500 companies), I knew the work was having a positive impact. From stuck to success, angry to inspired, and unhappily married to single and thriving, the life-affirming stories I’ve had the privilege to witness over the past quarter of a century continue to inspire my work today.

The acceptance of life’s uncertainties so positively transformed my life, I wanted to incorporate the therapeutic use of adventure and intentional travel to serve and impact others for good.

My offering (a blend of Adventure Therapy, Personal Discovery Coaching, and Guiding Sacred Vision) is most powerful in the immersion and group setting. As I prepare to lead another wellness adventure retreat this March, I look forward not only to the fun we will have and the laughs we will share, but the sparks that will ignite transformation. The specific goals of the individuals vary, yet the shared vision of our retreats is always some version of experience my authentic self, seek adventure and create a vision for my life in a supportive setting.”

You’ve got to be on board with this vision to play our way! We are equal. We all deserve respect. We all deserve the space to face new beginnings, scary adventures, and evolutionary partnerships. From CEOs, nonprofit leaders, and solo-preneurs; to single ladies, married mamas, single mamas, and everyone in between, our common ground is a love for nature, our selves, each other, and new experiences.

Adventures are opportunities for expansion, growth and self-discovery, specifically if the experience is framed and guided in an empowering way. Being prepared to handle unexpected or unwelcome challenges and struggles is an art form that requires a well and fit mindset.

Cue the adage: attitude is the difference between an ordeal and an adventure. It’s a good thing mindset is something we can cultivate and practice as we navigate life’s uncertainties.

I consider our adventure retreats a really awesome playground for “practicing life,” both a metaphor and blueprint for kicking more ass in our day to day. Not only do we practice yoga and cultivate other skills and strengths, like working out, paddleboarding, swimming with enormous sea creatures (whale sharks and playful seal lion pups!), some will learn to kitesurf or meditate for the first time on our retreats.

The magic of these practices is the meaning we make during and after. Our work is the embodiment of the learning and how we apply new insights to our lives.
Do we stand rigid and hunched over on the paddleboard or will we bend our knees, engage our core and flow with the rhythm of the water below us, and therefore life all around us? Do we freak out when we jump in the cold water and start to hyperventilate and scream, “I can’t breathe, get me out?” Or are we willing to be guided to a different experience? Yes, this happened. One woman had never snorkeled before, and she was skeptical that the little plastic tube bulging at her lips would allow her to suck in air from above. Plus the open bay water was colder than she expected. Already struggling with anxiety and self-doubt, she immediately went to, “this is wrong. I feel bad. This is dangerous. I can’t breathe. Get me OUT!” She wouldn’t even put her face in the water to see the incredible marvel of a twenty-five-foot Whale Shark peacefully drifting below her.

I had seconds to support her embodying a different experience as she splashed and lurched towards the boat’s ladder. I reminded her that indeed, she was still breathing, that her body would forget the cold water once she opened her eyes to the magic below, and that yes, she was floating, held in the community of support, and I’d be right next to her. I wasn’t going to force her, but I was hoping to make a quick and compelling argument for her to stay long enough to be transformed from her limited mindset and transfixed by nature’s gifts.

The physical experience of anxiety and stress can feel identical to excitement and bliss: racing heart, rapid breath, lack of focus. I reminded her that there might be a possibility to be excited by all the newness instead of the fear/flight default mindset triggered by these physical sensations.

With the support of two of us beside her, she stayed in the water longer than anyone else. She got back on the boat with a smile from ear-to-ear and nonstop giggling, bubbly joy, and open-hearted conversation the rest of the day.

This is more than a motivational moment. It’s an embodied experience. She perceived fear, but choose to move through it, with the intention of growth and expansion.
The next step was connecting the dots of her powerful choice in this moment… to committing to a broader, more expanded version of herself and what is possible for her life. From swimming in open water, to yoga on a paddleboard, to intimate sharing in front of a group, this woman experienced many firsts on that journey. Most importantly, she experienced the willingness to be led by others to a greatness she didn’t know she possessed.

This power of adventure and sisterhood, of experiencing ourselves in new ways, through challenging activities and different landscapes, allows us to clear the pathway for humble self-discovery and new possibilities.

We will never go back to small, safe, and business-as-usual.

I hope you’ll join us if you want an immediate and powerfully positive (and lasting) impact on your life.

Yes, you are going to have a meaningful, empowering and super fun experience.

Yes, you will also be challenged emotionally and physically.

AND…absolutely, you will go home with clarity, vision and a plan to implement change and consistent, restorative retreat and wild adventure in your daily life.

Join Wellfit Women’s upcoming retreat:
La Ventana, Baja California Sur, Mexico
March 1-6, 2018
EMERGING WOMEN receive $200 OFF
OR Customize* your group adventure to one of our locations in Costa Rica, Baja, Mexico, Peru, Croatia and Greece
*Custom groups can include families and all genders

Mid-Year Reflections on Playing BIG

At the beginning of the year, in a letter from Emerging Women’s founder, Chantal, she asks the community, “How Big is your BIG?”

In that letter, Chantal illustrates the exciting possibilities of the New Year and sets an intention to dream BIG in 2015. She also reminds us that not everything has to be big, big, BIG all the time in terms of business.

“Sometimes “big” simply means “in alignment with our desires.” Sometimes just asking for what we want is big in and of itself.” ~ Chantal Pierrat

In times of adversity, Chantal also says to (re)inspire and nourish ourselves with the power of the feminine by circling with the important women in our lives.

It was a beautiful, motivating letter, rich with wisdom. And it’s an important message to revisit now that it’s summer and the midway mark of the year.

I don’t know about you, but I went BIG in 2015. New paths have unfolded and I have taken on exciting, challenging endeavors. I am pursuing the projects that I dreamt about at the beginning of the year and I’ve made huge strides in achieving them, along with other goals, both professional and personal.

We’re halfway through 2015 (how can it be June already?!) and I’ll be honest, despite the wins, I feel like I need a tune-up. I look back at where I was in January and I feel accomplished, but also fatigued.

So, in effort to maintain enthusiasm for my goals and work, I’ve taken some time these past few weeks to check in with myself. I evaluated my “BIG” so I can finish off the year by being the very best version of myself at this point in my life.

In this time of reflection, I’ve (re)learned 3 important things.

1) Sometimes creating your best life has more to do with what you remove from it than what you add to it.

I set a goal at the beginning of the year to diversify my portfolio of clients (I do digital marketing). I wanted to be more dynamic and marketable. But during the past few weeks, I’ve realized that although I’ve been performing great at juggling numerous projects with different clients, I need to focus on quality work over quantity to be at the level I want to be.

I made the decision to streamline my portfolio, focusing my work solely on a few companies, making my “BIG” – well, still big, just a better BIG… a more efficient BIG… one that can dig deeper with clients and better help them.

Bonus side-effect: My schedule has freed up, giving me more time to enjoy the outdoors and spend time with friends and family (something that we all know is significant). I realize there will be times in my life where this is the opposite – times when I need to “add” in things – but right now, in my work life, less is more. And I’m OK with that.

2) We’ve got to channel our feminine power to play big. But which flavor of feminine power do we need right now?

As mentioned above, Chantal reminds us to rejuvenate with the power of the feminine. I’m blessed to have wonderful and wildly accomplished women in my life, scattered all across the world. I love these women with every ounce of my being, so it’s difficult coming to the realization that I need more feminine power in my life. But it’s true! I need feminine power right here, in my own community.

AND, as much as I am nourished by my soul sisters, I’m realizing I need a different type of feminine power at this moment in my life. I need it in the professional realm, from women who’ve been in my shoes, who’ve made it through this chapter of emergence in their late 20s. Women in the midst of making their own big, BIG.

I’m making efforts to cultivate new friendships to inspire and help me in my everyday life. With the change in my workload, I’m taking the opportunity to get to know the women behind the brands I work with – feeding off their brilliance, humor, and strength. I’m also taking time this summer to chase after a few inspiring women in my community that I’d love to connect with on a deeper level.

I’m (re)learning that female friends are very important to me. When I’m surrounded by good women, I feel good, my soul feels good, and life is good.

3) Don’t get too attached to timelines. Any time spent towards playing BIG is fluid, and always valuable.

Lastly, assessing my “BIG” reminds me that reaching our goals, even if they are goals that seem obtainable in a year, is a journey in itself, and sometimes requires more than 12 months. Circumstances, and the way we react to circumstances, plays a huge role in the timing and timeline of those goals.

I’m consciously reminding myself during this reflection that the energy exerted and the trajectories I’ve pursued this year in going BIG are all relevant and valid, even when some things proved to be failures. And if I’m still working on achieving the same things in 2016… so what?! I’ll have 365 days of experience to look back on and learn from. Who knows – maybe “my BIG” will be reimagined into something even more meaningful.

We want to know: How is your BIG doing? Are you taking time to reflect during this mid-year mark?

We’d love to hear from you in the comments below. You never know who you’ll connect with in the tribe if you just put yourself out there. Thank you for contributing your unique voice!

Are you ready to take your BIG to the next level? Join the game-changers at Emerging Women Live 2015 in San Francisco to ignite the trajectory of your personal and professional journey.

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Unleashing, Unhooking and Understanding – EWLive14 Souvenirs

As we transition into the second month of a new year, it feels like time to start reaching back and pulling those soulful souvenirs from EWLive14 into the forefront of our consciousness again.

In this ongoing series, we’ll share some of our favorite moments and memories from the weekend, and we invite you to do the same. You never know who needs to hear the words that resonated so strongly with you. As all of the Emerging Women Live speakers would agree, it’s crucial to your emergence to share your voice and have an impact on the tribe.

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“Women are natural connectors. This our time. The bridges have been built. Now it’s time to connect. ~ Chantal Pierrat”

Sera Beak

In All Fears and Trembling Boldness

Sera Beak shared her personal journey of not only living her truth, but speaking it in her own voice. “We ache to be self-expressed, to be authentic, to totally let ‘er rip,” she says, “and yet we are terrified of being that vulnerable, that raw, that real. So we edit, shape or even shut up our unique soul’s voice in order to be accepted, successful, and loved. But deep down in our bellies, where our power burns the brightest, we know we cannot be of service, we cannot be free, we cannot truly come alive if we aren’t sharing the truth of who we are.”

As the Harvard-trained scholar found herself on the fast-track to fame, she struggled with squaring the messages she was receiving from her publicists with the messages she was receiving from her deepest self. As marketers tried to groom her speaking voice (which she self-describes as sounding like a chipmunk on speed) to be more “powerful,” she could feel the authenticity and impact of her talks losing potency.

“The most important part of my message IS my shaky, struggling voice,” she says in her trembling, yes, but 100% Sera voice.

“Your voice is a treasure. Don’t bury it, share it.”

And these words, beautifully unadulterated by public speaking shoulds and shouldn’ts, stamped an unforgettable image in our hearts that we can call on when sharing our unique expression with the world:

“Every time you speak your truth, a goddess tattoos your name across her belly.”

To feel the power of Sera’s soul voice for yourself, tune in to her EWLive14 talk “In All Fears and Trembling Boldness.”

Tara Mohr

Playing Big: Find Your Voice, Your Mission, Your Message

Women’s leadership expert Tara Mohr has seen a pattern among her brilliant peers.

“Women are sitting on their big ideas rather than sharing them, holding back their most provocative questions instead of asking them,” she says. “They are having a collective hallucination that they aren’t ‘ready’ for that bigger role or next step.”

Based on her recent book, Playing Big, Tara helps us learn to trust our instincts, “unhook” from praise and criticism and begin taking bold and wise action. Because when women play big, we change the world.

The bump in the road is often created by paying too much attention to what other people think. Does that sound familiar to you?

“We strangely learn to see women’s stories as how they’re perceived by others,” she says. The solution is to unhook from both praise and criticism as motivating factors while we carve out our space in the world.

If that sounds like something you could benefit from, do yourself a favor and watch the entire insightful presentation here:

Karen May

Reflections on Leadership

It’s no surprise that Karen May is the Vice President of People Development at Google. Her bouncy energy and enthusiasm is infectious, and her ability to really listen to those going through an emerging process is obvious.

What’s not so immediately apparent are her battles with failure and disappointment. If you can relate, you’ve got to hear about the “Disappointment-A-Day Diet” she started with her brother, where they trained themselves to be okay with disappointing people by promising to disappoint at least one person a day, no matter what.

“You have to be willing to disappoint.”

“I failed! Victory!” became Karen’s new cheer for herself as she learned to accept failure as a natural and helpful part of a fulfilling life. “You gotta find a way to make failure something you just step through,” she says.

“You gotta find a way to make failure something you just step through.”

“To emerge requires looking in the mirror and confronting the awful truth that you’re flawed,” Karen says, “and then digging really really deep to find the grace to go back out and say ‘tell me more,’ trusting that you’ll have the strength and support to hear it and to grow with it.”

Get ready to grin with Karen May here:

Agapi Stassinopoulos

Integration is one way that Emerging Women Live sets itself apart from other conferences. The feminine is all about the body, and so we take time to consciously connect with our bodies through dance, yoga and meditation.

We invite you to take a moment for yourself right now and let Agapi Stassinopoulos, sister of Arianna Huffington and author of Unbinding the Heart, lead you in a soothing and nourishing guided meditation.

“Give yourself permission to not wear Spanx on your heart.”

Just press play and let Agapi do the rest:

Keele Burgin & Power Circles

“You do not have to be good.
You do not have to walk on your knees
For a hundred miles through the desert, repenting.
You only have to let the soft animal of your body
love what it loves.” – Mary Oliver

In this moving Emerging Short, writer, poet and memoirist Keele Burgin shares her revelation that she did not have to be her father’s definition of good, and how her Power Circle helped her harness that exuberant empowerment. What a testament to the beauty of women’s groups.

“We can fit in anywhere, but to belong is our soul’s request.”

Want to be there in person this year? Save big when you register now for Emerging Women Live 2015 in San Francisco.

Ready to Play Big?

Dear Emerging Women,

With feminine leadership on the rise, brilliant women are stepping into new and powerful roles everyday. But, as we’ll hear in today’s Power Practice, brilliant women are the least likely to know when they’re ready for that next big step. Does that sound like you?

I think that a big reason we are so attracted to this emergence movement is because deep down we know that we’re ready: to launch a business, write a book, speak our truth, to lead in a way that feels authentic and real. But when we continue to measure ourselves against unrealistic standards for success, it can be hard to tune in to that soft voice of intuition that says “It’s time.”

I feel so grateful for this community, where visionary female leaders are sharing their wisdom freely in the hopes of elevating as many conscious women as possible. I want to live in a world where all women are able to Play Big in whatever arena calls to them. Even though we walk very unique paths, we must keep each other informed and inspired if we really want to change things – yo! You with me?

Big love,

Chantal Pierrat
Founder, Emerging Women

“I want to live in a world where all women are able to Play Big in whatever arena calls to them.”twitter

Ready to Play Big? Register now to receive this Special Gift for Early Birds: Tara Mohr’s Playing Big

Not sure whether you’re ready or not? This can help>> Power Practice #09: When You Don’t Feel Ready

Special Gift for Early Birds: Tara Mohr’s “Playing Big”

“You know that woman. She’s a good friend or a colleague from work. She’s smart and insightful. She gets it: whatever the situation at her company, or in her community, or in the news, she has great ideas about what needs to happen. She’s high integrity too—no greed, no temptation to corruption, no big hunger for power. Sometimes, you listen to her talk and think: if only people like her were in charge…

So here’s the thing: the way that you look at that woman? Someone looks at you that way. In fact, many people do. To us, you are that talented woman who doesn’t see how talented she is. You are the woman who—it’s clear to us—could start an innovative company, improve the local schools or write a book that would change thousands of lives. You are that fabulous, we-wish-she-was-speaking-up-more woman.”

“Playing Big is about bridging the gap between what we see in you and what you know about yourself.”twitter

That’s a passage from Tara Mohr’s new book, Playing Big: Find Your Voice, Your Mission, Your Message. Slated for release by Gotham Books on October 14, Playing Big is about bridging the gap between what we see in you and what you know about yourself. It’s a practical guide to moving past self-doubt and creating what you most want to create—whether in your career, your community, or in a passion you pursue outside of work. It’s playing big according to what playing big truly means to you. And if you don’t know what playing big looks like for you yet, the ideas and tools here will help clear away the blocks so you can discover that.

Does Tara’s message of playing big with your calling resonate with you? It sparks a fire in us, and we want to share that fire with our community. That’s why when you sign up for Emerging Women Live ’14 before the Early Bird deadline, you’ll receive Playing Big as a special gift at the conference. Be among the first to get your hands on this powerful guide.

“I want women in touch with what they feel called to do at a soul level.”twitter

We agree with Tara when she says, “I want women in touch with what they feel called to do at a soul level and to help them play bigger with that.” We hope this special offering helps you take the leap into your next emergence as a woman ready to change the world with your work!

To register for EWlive14 and to reserve your BONUS copy of Playing Big, sign up HERE before July 31, 2014. Books will be hand-delivered at the conference.

Join us for an experience that will last far beyond the four days we spend together. Learn more here>>>

About Emerging Women Live 2014:

Emerging Women Live aims to support and propel the emerging movement of women who are stepping up and changing the world. #EWLive14 is a one of a kind conference that helps women to harness the power of the feminine, rock the business world, and create a new paradigm for success. Learn more HERE.

And tell us below, dear emerging women, where will you PLAY BIG?

Power Practice #09: When You Don’t Feel Ready

Are you easily able to discern the difference between your true voice and your inner critic?

Tara Mohr, women’s leadership expert and author of Playing Big: Find Your Voice, Your Mission, Your Message and 10 Rules for Brilliant Women, says brilliant, creative women are often really, really bad at this.

In this week’s practice, Tara invites you to uncover what you might be holding an “I’m not ready yet” story around, and suggests an interesting way to reframe the question to get an answer that comes from your wisest self.

Play the Power Practice:

“Women often don’t know what they’re ready for yet. Brilliant women especially.”

Tara Mohr is an expert on women’s leadership and well-being. Her work helps women play bigger in their work and in their lives. With an MBA from Stanford University and her undergraduate degree in English literature from Yale, Tara takes a unique approach that blends inner work with practical skills training, and weaves together both intellectual rigor and intuitive wisdom.

Tara has a deep commitment to amplifying women’s voices. She is the creator of the global Playing Big leadership program for women and the co-creator of two anthologies of contemporary women’s writings, The Women’s Seder Sourcebook and The Women’s Passover Companion.  Her 10 Rules for Brilliant Women have struck a chord with tens of thousands of women around the world. In 2010, Tara was honored as a Girl Champion by the Girl Effect organization, which supports girls’ education in the developing world.

Tara is a regular contributor to the Huffington Post and has been featured on The Today Show, BigThink.com, Whole Living, CNN.com, USA Today, the International Business Times, Ode Magazine, Forbes, Beliefnet, and numerous other media outlets. She is also a poet, and the author of The Real Life: Poems for Wise Living.

Want “Mohr?” Check out her Emerging Women podcast, “Playing Big: the Work of Our Time.”

Tara Mohr: Weaving Spirituality into Business

This is a transcript from my conversation, “Playing Big,” with the wonderful and talented Tara Mohr.

Tara is an expert on women’s leadership and well-being. Her work helps women play bigger in their work and in their lives. With an MBA from Stanford University and an undergraduate degree in English Literature from Yale, Tara takes a unique approach that blends inner work with practical skills training, and weaves together both intellectual and intuitive wisdom. Tara has also been a speaker and workshop leader at multiple Emerging Women Live Conferences. 

Tara Mohr at Emerging Women Live 2013

Chantal Pierrat: I’m so excited to have you today—half an hour or 45 minutes all to myself. I think I discovered you about a year ago or a year and a half ago. I’ve been getting your blogs and I read your poetry. And the thing that struck me the most was here was a woman who was diving into business, clearly very, very articulate and wise in the business world, but who was overtly—and I’m putting some emphasis on that because it’s unusual—spiritual. And I’m just so excited because it’s such a rare combination, and I would love to dig in a little bit more about your background and how that came to be and how you came to combine these two worlds that seemingly are very separate. So maybe we could just jump in there.

Tara Mohr: Yes. I’d love to begin there. That’s certainly been a big part of my journey. I was raised in a fairly unique way, hopefully a way that’s becoming less unique.

My mom was very much a spiritual seeker, and had a huge passion for psychology. So our house was full of books from all different religious traditions, from the mystical side of all different religious traditions, and she was always busy reading them. She was up at 5 a.m. writing about spiritual topics, really just for her own journey. She raised me, every morning, at the breakfast table, asking me what did I dream the night before, and having me diagram my dreams out, the Jungian interpretation, on a yellow pad while I was having my oatmeal or my Cheerios or whatever it was at the time.

And truly, I can remember incidents like being teased on the playground in kindergarten and coming home, getting into the car, my mom picking me up and saying, “Mom, so-and-so teased me, and I really hate him.” And she would always say one of two things in that scenario. She would say, “Well, what do you think is going on for that person at home that would make them tease another kid?” Or she would say, “How do you think God looks at that person?”

So this was the milieu I was raised in, and it was particularly remarkable because it wasn’t attached to any organized religion. I grew up with this access to inner life and to spiritual concepts that I think children are ready for and can understand, but we often underestimate how much and how early they can understand it. So I would say that was one track that I was on from very early in life.

“I grew up with access to inner life and to spiritual concepts that I think children are ready for and can understand, but we often underestimate how much and how early they can understand it.”

And yet, at the same time, my parents were middle class, professional, Jewish family who really valued education, and they were saying to me, “You’re bright and you have a lot of potential and we expect you to work hard in school and do well in school.” And school was a world that felt like the opposite of all that stuff I was just talking about. Because, of course, at school, nobody was asking what God thought about any of the other kids. [Laughs] Nobody was thinking about what dreams meant.

School felt very hierarchical. I was always aware of, “Oh, you can get a good grade or a bad grade.” And yet, my mom was saying every child was divine and special. So those things were at odds. In school, we would learn about, “This war happened because this country disagreed with this guy,” and no one was looking at the inner side of anything.

So for much of my life, I would say these two different domains felt very distinct, and I felt, often, like an outsider in both. In one I felt too sensitive and too spiritual, and in one I felt like I was sometimes saying, “Come on guys, let’s do a reality check,” or “Let’s bring a little more intellectual rigor to this.” And it’s really only in my adult life that I have begun to find a way to advocate for the message that these worlds do not have to be separate. And it’s where I can have the joy of people like you saying, “Hey, this is actually something special about you and wonderful that you combine these two things,” instead of them feeling like two different languages, where I was often trying to interpret or translate but that that was really hard.

CP: Yes, that’s why I put the emphasis on “overt,” because I was surprised to see how much you really do—that’s part of your work, that you’re combining both. And it seems like you have a lot of receptivity in the audience that you work with to this particular mix.

TM:Yes. And one thing I’ve found—and I know you have a lot of entrepreneurs listening, so this might be particularly interesting to them from the angle of their entrepreneur hat as well—is that what we tend to think of these different audiences—the spiritual audience, the secular audience, the creative, the corporate people. I even came into my business with some of that, and sometimes I would get caught up in, “Well, who am I talking to? Am I talking to the woman who has a holistic massage therapy business? Or am I talking to the woman who is a professor? Am I talking to the woman who works in the corporation?” And I had assumptions for each of those groups and how “spiritual” I could get with the content.

And what I have found is that those are total stereotypes. Every time I talk to my customers—I do a lot of just getting on the phone and doing one-on-one customer interviews on an ongoing basis because I like to stay in touch with who’s really listening. And every time I do that, and every time I read a bio of someone participating in my program, I find that there’s no stereotype that they match up with. There’s no demographic segment or psychographic segment we could even make up that they match up with. Most women are something we couldn’t predict. I just think about, in the past few weeks, talking to a woman is in my Playing Big program who is an emergency paramedic on an ambulance in a rural area, and wants to play bigger in sharing some of what she’s learned from that. That’s not someone I could ever predict that would be in my programs.

“There’s no demographic segment or psychographic segment we could even make up that they match up with. Most women are something we couldn’t predict.”

Or someone who said, on one of our first calls, “It’s my last day in the military, and tomorrow I’m going to be a civilian. Here’s what I want to play big with as I become a civilian and that’s why I’m here.” All the way from that to the life coaches and the holistic healers and the corporate people and the tech entrepreneurs.

And so many women, especially in our time, are embracing this hybrid where, “I’m a transportation engineer, but I do Native American art every weekend and that’s my passion.” Or, “I’m a college professor and physicist and I do angel card readings and I’d really like to do more of that.” I see so much of that. So I think, unfortunately, in the business world and the publishing world, there’s been an oversimplification of the audience that’s just not true to women today.

“I think, unfortunately, in the business world and the publishing world, there’s been an oversimplification of the audience that’s just not true to women today.”

CP: I so appreciate that, and I love how you’re really taking a stand and are unapologetic in an area like business that can be considered risky. I’m also curious if you’ve ever had people that said, “Well, I just want your Playing Big”—and we’re going to get into that—“I just want the business side of Playing Big. This other stuff makes me uncomfortable.”

TM: It may be that some of those people just click away from my site, and that is probably happening more than—I don’t hear about it too much. And I think people know, if they come to my site, that they’re not going to get pure secular business tactics.

For me, I don’t get excited about helping women develop those because I feel if we’re just helping people to play more effectively within a patriarchical system, that’s certainly not serving the mission I care about. I want women in touch with what they feel called to do at a soul level and to help them play bigger with that. That’s what’s going to change the world for the better. So I feel like there’s plenty of other experts out there who just help women skill up with a very neutral point of view about whatever their skills [are being used for, and] that’s fine. But I’m coming from a different place.

“I want women in touch with what they feel called to do at a soul level and to help them play bigger with that.”

CP: Tell us more about Playing Big and the essence of the work.

TM: Well, I’ll begin my sharing just how I started to use that term, “playing big,” in my work. I used to do a lot of one-on-one coaching with women. Now I do more large group programs, but when I was starting out and I was doing one-on-one, I was seeing a pattern again and again in the women that were showing up in my practice.

I always think about one of my first clients who worked in the social sector and was pretty young, early in her career, and had such incredible ideas about what needed to happen in her organization and her industry. She was on top of every journal and cutting edge conversation in the field. She was constantly reading and linking and thinking about interesting things. And nobody in her organization knew it, and nobody in her field knew it because she just couldn’t act on and speak for her ideas.

And I was so pained by seeing that, and then I started seeing the same thing in client after client. So many of the women I was seeing, in one way or another, had such brilliance to share, had something really important to share, and they didn’t see themselves as ready to share it. They didn’t see themselves as ready to take on a major leadership role. They didn’t think they were expert enough, they were being held back by their inner critic. And of course, part of the reason I was attracting that particular theme and noticing that theme was because I had certainly grappled with all of those issues myself and was still grappling with them.

Tara at Emerging Women Live 2013

So that kind of became a focus of my work. And as I mentioned, I’m always trying to be in touch with my customers. And at a certain point a few years ago, I was doing a survey of my blog readers, and in the survey I asked my readers “What is the biggest challenge you’re facing in your life?” That’s such a good market research question—you want to know what people are grappling with. It was a multiple choice question and I listed all the things that we typically think of as so hard in women’s lives: work/life balance, not enough time, stress, I don’t know what I want, financial constraints, unsupportive people—all this stuff. And I threw in, just on a whim, “I’m playing small” as one of the choices. And when the responses came back, that was the most popular choice.

CP: Oh my. Wow.

TM: [Laughs] And I was fascinated because it was so stunning to me that that was so widespread, but more so that people knew, all these women were walking around with the same feeling I was having, like, “I’m not even sure what I mean by that, but I know I’m playing small.”

CP: Right.

TM: So out of that, I knew that I would then package the work I had already been doing with women on these issues under the term “playing big.” And what the work of that is, for me, the approach that I take, it begins with understanding what you feel called to do in your life right now. Because again, what we want to play big with is not our ego’s ambitions or the world’s ideas of success, but our true calling. So there’s a process of identifying what you’re called to now and accepting that, and then learning a variety of new ways of being that each allow you to stop holding back your voice.

“What we want to play big with is not our ego’s ambitions or the world’s ideas of success, but our true calling.”

So we do a lot of work around mastering our awareness of self-doubt and the inner critic, and beginning to separate that from the other voices within, and connect more strongly with what I call the inner mentor, which is your older, wiser self. We look at unhooking from praise and criticism, so becoming less sensitive to what other people think. And a number of other tools like that, all of which support women in playing bigger.

And then there’s a little bit of tactical work—where I bring back that left brain side and my MBA side—where after we have that foundation of inner work, there’s some training in things like negotiation and communication and pitching your work to the media. Because those things are great. It’s just that if we only get that tactical training, and we don’t change the inner dynamics of our playing small, we can’t even use the skills we learned because our fears will get in the way.

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